#before it really makes anything in my brain I think

[enyaliuswrites]

➽ Just for Practice

Caleb x fem!reader Thank you @erensfeed for the idea and all the help she gave me!! Tysm nunnie! Hope this is a nice surprise for when you wake up <3 warnings: suggestive topics, mature, kissing (of course)

"Kissing? That’s what got you so worked up? Kissing is why you haven’t been eating my braised pork?" Caleb's lilac eyes fix on you like you’re crazy, a hint of something darker lurking beneath as he frowns.

"Ugh, I told you you wouldn’t get it." you groan, flopping onto your bed in frustration and avoiding his gaze, you didn’t want to see Caleb judging you.

Your high school graduation is just a few months away, but so far, every girl in your class won’t stop talking about the people they’ve kissed this year. Some have only had one kiss, others have had plenty, but out of all of them, you’re the only one who hasn’t had a single one yet. It’s not your fault—you’ve just never found yourself even a little bit attracted to anyone at school.

You didn’t even notice your appetite waning, your mind preoccupied with this. With graduation nearing, the last thing you wanted was to feel left out—missing out on bonding with your friends was the last thing you wanted.

“What’s so special about kissing?? It barely means anything.” his face twists into confusion and disgust, as if really trying to grasp why you’re making such a big deal out of this. Caleb silent mouths ‘kissing?’ before shifting his gaze back to you—just in time for you to throw a pillow straight at his face. But the pillow stops mid-air in front of his face, before dropping onto his lap as he leans back against the chair at your study desk.

“All of my friends have already had their first kiss. That’s like the only thing they’re talking about these days.” Your lips push up into a pout as you grab one of the stuffed animals nearest to you and hug it, allowing your head to rest on the plushie.

“And you’re jealous?” You choke on your saliva, coughing and hacking as your wide eyes meet his—one eyebrow raised and eyes heavy with disbelief. Caleb would’ve never guessed that his girl would grow up to be worried over something as minuscule as a kiss, especially a kiss with someone else.

“I’m not jealous! I mean like… It’s not like… Okay, maybe just a little?” your hands flail wildly all over as you try to defend yourself, but to no avail. Feeling a blush creeping onto your cheeks, you take a quick glance and see that Caleb's gaze has darkened.

“Do you even know how to kiss?”

“Caleb… That’s a stupid question,” you murmur, already knowing the answer. Caleb knew that too. “Why would I be so worked up if I—”

With his lilac eyes fixed on you, he tilts his head slightly, then leans forward. “Would you like to know how?” His words cut through your sentence, leaving your lips parted in shock as you prop yourself back up, still clutching the plushie to your chest.

“What? What do you mean?” your brain struggles to process his words, unable to fully make sense of them as you frown and watch him get up. Caleb's tall figure towers over yours as he steps closer, leaning casually against the wall, making you tilt your head up to meet his gaze.

“I can teach you then, Pip-squeak.” His body lowers, closing the gap between you two as your grip on the plushie loosens. You try to back away, only to find your back pressing against the headboard just inches away.

“I… I mean… does this count as my first kiss?” His right hand reaches out, gently caressing your cheek before softly holding your chin, guiding it towards him.

“Hmm. Think of this as practice.” Caleb's grip on your chin is soft and gentle, completely opposite from his hazy, clouded gaze.

“Oh. Oh…kay then-” you draw the ‘o’ out but as soon as the confirmation leaves your mouth, his lips brush softly against yours. With your eyes closed shut and brows furrowed, he slowly moves, capturing your bottom lip between his own with a delicate pull.

Your body sinks further into the mattress, plush pillows pressing against your back. The bed groans under Caleb's weight as he closes the distance between you, one large palm placed on your hips while the other rests on the headboard. You kiss him back, or at least you try to. You move your lips in the same motion of waves as he does, but everything feels so awkward and off.

Feeling quite embarrassed, and out of air, your intended gently nudges on Caleb's tank top quickly turns into desperate grasps before the kiss finally breaks. You felt like you’ve just ran a marathon—body burning up and your lungs out of breath as you pant, trying to inhale as much oxygen as you could while avoiding eye contact. Though it was harder than you thought, because Caleb was now on top of you, his smirk haunting you as your cheeks flush.

“H-hey! Don’t look at me like that. I told you I don’t know how to kiss…” Your voice grows quieter each passing second as it somehow ends up as a tiny squeak. The sound of Caleb's laughter fills your ears as you turn back to him, his knee now finds itself between your legs as his face hovers just above yours.

“You’re overthinking this, Pip-squeak. Just follow what I do.” Though his words are reassuring, that husky tone in his voice throws you off as he quickly captures your lips into a kiss for the second time. Caleb's lips move against yours in a soft, sensual way as you try your best to mimic him. Remembering what he did to you, you trap the soft fullness of his lower lip and gently apply suction to it. His hums of approval catch you off guard as you feel a subtle rumble of his chest—Caleb's hand snaking down to the small of your back, before pulling your body flush against his.

As if a flip has just been switched, Caleb's lips move frantically against yours, biting your lower lips then soothing the sting with his tongue. Your lips part at the sudden pain, allowing his tongue to delve into your mouth. Soft whimpers escape from your throat as Caleb explores you, tracing every corner and leaving an odd-yet-pleasurable feeling as he does so. Surprised, and a little scared, you push his body off of yours as you cover your mouth in shock, the faint apple taste still lingering in your mouth.

“Your tongue… Do you still use that apple flavored toothpaste or something? Because that’s all I’m feeling? Tasting?” Caleb grabs your hands, lowering it as a light chuckle leaves his lips.

“You’re a natural, Pip-squeak.” Completely ignoring what you just said as his thumb caresses your cheek and he stares at your lips, as if capturing them in a kiss with his eyes, “But I think you need a little bit more practice. What do you say?”

“Oh….Um…” Your voice comes out as uncertain mumbles and murmurs while his face only inches closer to yours. That’s when you realize how Caleb's body is pressed against yours, radiating heat—how heat crept up his neck and spreaded to his ears. How his lilac eyes were still clouded with a hazy and clouded look.

“I think you need more practice.” Caleb already had a taste of you and now he can’t get enough. Your scent seeps into his senses, impossible to ignore—like an addict chasing his next fix. He took your first kiss and now he’s going to take your every first. He was going to make sure of it.

A/N: Ughhh, this was quite hard to write considering I’ve never kissed anyone before. BUT. I have read many writings about kissing so I hope that’ll make up for this. Stay delusional ya’lls! (*´∀`*) Dividers by @omi-resources

[leclerc-hs]

save a bull! part 2 - cl16

pairing: bull rider!charles leclerc x fem!reader summary: in which a city girl meets a cowboy OR charles finds himself infatuated with the visiting city girl warnings: language, NOT PROOFREAD, smut under the cut!, bad writing? word count: ~3k author's note: SURPRISE SHAWTYYYYY! hiiiiiiii I missed you all SOO much. I'm sorry if this isn't good I'm really really rusty on my writing since it's been a few months but I'm trying to get back into it. if you hate this I'm SORRY lol but I love u all and I hope you like it anyways. xoxo let me know what you want to see next.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

The tension is palpable, a charged current zipping through the air as his touch seems to melt every bit of composure you had left. His grip on your back is firm, but not forceful—just enough to make you aware that he’s in control of this moment.

He doesn’t pull away, doesn’t back down, his eyes locked on yours like he’s daring you to argue, daring you to say something that will break the silence. But all you can think about is how his breath feels on your skin, how his fingers leave a trail of heat where they touch.

Your brain momentarily froze. In no fucking world, would I let you wear anyone’s but mine. 

You could feel the flush of your cheeks start to burn not only from the alcohol consumed but his confession. The heat of his fingers seeping through the thin material of your dress was just the icing on the cake.

He tucks a strand of hair behind your ear, leaning forward so the edges of his lips graze your ear. “You want a hat, you take mine.” 

He pulls his head back a few inches, his eyes dipping to your lips for a brief second that doesn’t go unnoticed by you.

“You’re insane.”

“You keep calling me crazy,” he says, his voice low, gravelly, “but you’re the one standing right here, aren’t you?”

“Delusional.” Your pulse races, lips parting slightly, as if you might say something else, but all that comes out is a shallow breath.

His fingers sprawl across your lower back, pulling you towards him even closer if possible.

“So you’re telling me that if I slipped my hand up your little dress right now, you wouldn’t be soaked?”

You don’t know what to say. He’s got you right where he wants you. 

“Maybe I like crazy,” you finally murmur, your voice betraying the nerves simmering beneath the surface.

“Yeah,” he murmurs, his breath mixing with yours. “I thought you might.”

-

The days since that night have been a blur. His words echo in your mind, louder than anything else, like a broken record. You’ve tried to push it down, tried to bury it with distractions, anything that would stop you from thinking about the way his fingers lingered on your skin, the way his eyes burned into yours. But the more you push, the more it pulls.

And now, here you are, waiting for him again.

“I can’t believe we have to go back to the city in a few days already.” Abigail groans— the two of you sprawled in the grass, just staring out at the open fields.

You looked down at the grass, your fingers ripping some of it to play with. “I can’t believe I’m sad to leave.”

You both fall into fits of laughter. “Yeah, but that’s just cause of a certain cowboy.”

You shake your head, looking at Abigail with the biggest smile. “I’ve never felt so at peace like this before. The quiet is nice.”

You fall into a comfortable silence for a few moments, letting the harsh sun beat on your skin. 

“So when is he coming to get you?”

You open your mouth to answer, but the sound of a pick-up truck turning on the gravel of the driveway has you shutting it. 

Abigail moves to stand up, her hands reaching down towards you to pull you up from the grass, then turns to Charles, who is slipping out the driver side door with a smile pulled on his mouth. 

“Don’t keep her out too late or she’ll be grounded.” Abigail jokes, which earns her a small smack to her arm from you.

He dips his head, tilting his hat towards the both of you, “Don’t worry, she’s in good hands.” His voice is low, laced with something you can’t quite place—something that makes it feel like he is the one making the promises, not you.

Abigail gives a final wink to you before heading back into the house, leaving you both alone.

You watch her walk away, trying to pretend you didn’t feel that little jolt in your chest. But as soon as she’s out of an earshot, Charles turns his attention back to you, his gaze more intense than before.

“So, you ready for a ride?” He asks, the corner of his mouth curling into something dangerously close to a smirk.

You hesitate, “And if I said no?”

He chuckles, and its like the sound rolls right through you, making your heartbeat pick up. “Not if you want to earn that cowboy hat,” he says, the teasing glint in his eyes.

-

The soreness settles in deep, a quiet ache in your muscles you didn’t even know you had. Horseback riding hadn’t seemed like such a workout when Charles first suggested it—hell, you thought it would be a relaxing, leisurely ride through the fields. 

But now, after hours spent clinging to the saddle, your body is sending you sharp reminders of how much work it actually takes to stay upright and in control. Your thighs are tight, your lower back sore, and every small movement feels like effort.

As you stretch out your arms, trying to relieve some sort of tension, you can’t help but smirk. You’d never expected a day with Charles to feel like this— like you’d been put through the paces, not just by the horse, but by him too.

It’s the subtle shifts in his movements, the way he guides the horse with just a slight tug of the reins, his eyes constantly scanning the horizon, and the way his hand brushes against yours when he reaches for the reins that keeps your attention. 

“You alright there?” His voice is low, teasing, but there’s a hint of something more when he looks you over, taking in the way you’re moving a little more carefully than earlier.

You roll your shoulders. “I feel like I just ran a marathon on a horse.”

He laughs, his eyes lighting up. “That’s the price of learning how to ride. But you did good, yeah?”

The way he says it, like its a compliment, makes you stand a little taller despite the soreness. “I didn’t expect it to be so…intense,” you admit, trying to ignore the way his gaze lingers just a second too long on your lips.

“Nothing about this place is every just easy,” he says with a shrug. “But, I guess that’s what makes it worth it.”

The weight of his hand at your back sends a warm shiver up your spine, a subtle pressure thats both grounding and electric. You try not to focus too much on the way his touch seems to anchor you, or the way your pulse quickens with every step toward the open field.

The picnic is simple—just a blanket, a few baskets, and a clear view of the sun slowly starting its descent, casting a warm, golden glow over the land. It’s the kind of peaceful scene that feels too much like a dream. And yet, it’s real.

As you both settle onto the blanket, Charles moves with an easy confidence, reaching for the baskets without breaking the quiet tension that lingers in the air. 

“You hungry?” His voice is casual.

You nod, still not quite sure how to handle the way your body feels with him so close. There’s something about his presence that makes it hard to think straight, hard to remember you’re supposed to be relaxing.

“I think I could eat,” you reply, your voice softer than usual. Your eyes flick up to meet his, and you catch the subtle way his lips curl into a half-smile, like he knows exactly what you’re thinking without needing to hear it.

He uncorks a bottle of wine, and pours a glass for the both of you.

The quiet stretches again, comfortable yet heavy, as you both settle in.

Charles leans back, resting on his elbows, his eyes never leaving you as you take a sip of wine. “You know,” he says after a beat, his voice low and thoughtful, “I didn’t think I’d be sharing a moment with you like this today.”

You swallow hard, your fingers tightening slightly around your glass as you glance over at him. “What do you mean by that?”

His smirk softens into something almost like a grin, “You didn’t think you’d be here, either, did you?”

You want to brush it off, act like its just another evening out here, but something in the way he says it makes your chest tighten. You hesitate for a moment before finally responding. “Guess not. Guess I didn’t know what I was getting into.”

The air shifts around you as he watches, his gaze intense and focused, like he’s weighing his next move. “Well, I hope you’re not regretting it.”

You place the barely touched glass of wine in your hand, onto the grass, and then turn to Charles. Your heart races, and for a split second, you’re sure he’s talking about more than just the picnic.

Your gaze drifts down to the hat resting beside him, the brim casting a shadow over the worn denim of his jeans. It sits there, between you two, almost purposefully. The thought hits you unexpectedly—the way its placed, almost like a bridge, an offering, a challenge.

There’s something oddly magnetic about it, the way it ties him to the land, to this place, to who he is. The fact that it’s so close, just inches away, and yet you feel like you have to earn it somehow.

You glance back up to find him watching you, his eyes lingering on yours with that quiet intensity, like he's aware of your thoughts without you needing to voice them. There’s no teasing, no playful smirk this time—just that still, steady gaze. And for a moment, it feels like everything is poised on the edge of something important.

His fingers twitch, like he's fighting the urge to reach out, to pull the hat closer or to pull you closer.

"You thinking about it?" he asks, his voice quieter now, almost too casual, like he’s pretending he doesn’t know exactly what you’re thinking.

You blink, and your heartbeat picks up a fraction of a beat. "What do you mean?"

"The hat," he says, almost like it's obvious, though there’s a small glimmer in his eyes that tells you he knows what it’s really about. “You ever worn one before?”

You shake your head slowly, the question hanging in the air, the tension between you both thickening with the simple exchange.

His hand moves just slightly, like he’s about to offer it to you, but he pauses, letting the silence stretch for a moment too long.

"You know," he says, his voice low, as if the words are meant only for you, "it doesn’t look right on just anyone."

The weight of that statement settles over you like a slow burn, and your thoughts race, caught between wanting to prove him wrong and knowing, deep down, that this—whatever this is—has already shifted something inside you.

Fuck it.

You know he’s watching the way your fingers dance along the brim, your thumb tracing the edges as if you’re deciding whether to make the commitment or leave it in its place between you two.

Your fingers continue to toy with the edges of the brim, before you grasp it in between the pads of your fingers, picking it up thoughtfully as you weigh the symbolism of it. It feels heavier than it should in your hands. 

“Don’t tease me.” His gaze never leaves you, steady and unblinking, as though he’s waiting for you to put the hat back onto the blanket again.

You could easily put it on, feel it settle on your head, feel his presence there with you. Finally, you look up at him.

“You said it doesn’t look right on just anyone,” you murmur, your voice low, like the words are meant for you and him only. “But what if it fits?”

The air seems to thicken, the question more loaded than it should be.

He shifts his hips just slightly, still leaned on the back of his elbows as he stares at you. “You’re not just anyone.”

It’s a statement more than an answer. And it leaves your stomach in knots as you raise the hat to your head, pausing before it touches the hairs of your head.

“Trying to figure out if this is going to be some cruel joke.” He groans. “Don’t do it, unless you mean it.” His voice is rough.

You place it on your head, looking at him with a wicked smirk and glint in your eyes. “What was it you said about me liking crazy?”

-

He gives you no more than two seconds, before he’s sitting up from his arms and quite literally yanking you onto his lap. Your legs straddle him, and you want nothing more than to rub yourself against him. 

His eyes trace every feature of your face and then land back on your eyes. The look on his face so serious, you wonder if he’s alright.

“Just kiss me alr-“

Your words are cut off almost instantly as the palm of his hand swallows the back of your neck and pulls your lips down to his. You can feel the vibrations of his groan into the kiss, and you feel like you might combust right then and there.

Your hips rut against his lap involuntary as his tongue slips into your mouth like he owns it. There’s no more teasing. His own mouth takes over yours in deep, intoxicating kisses, that have you arching for more.

His hands glide down the swell of your back, before landing on your hips and guiding them to work against his groin.

The tantalizing touches create a surge of heat forming in your stomach, before you pull away from him, his eyes glazed with a sort of hunger it seems only you can fill for him. You lift your hips from his for a second, giving him time to unbutton your jeans and yank them off of your body, while he finds the time to unbutton his and pull them down halfway.

“I don’t think I can wait.” You seem to say, your voice laced with desire at the sight of his hardened cock before you.

“So don’t.” He huffs, before pulling you down on him, his mouth overpowering yours instantly. You start to lower yourself, more than ready to quench this thirst you’ve had for days. 

He hisses through his teeth when the head of his cock slides between your thighs. His fingers lock on your hip, stopping you from getting any lower. “I need to know you’re 100 percent about this.”

“I’m half nude in the middle of a field for you, what do you think?”

“I’m serious.” He grits, he sounds almost pained as he feels just how soaked you are against the head of his cock. “You do this, and you’re mine.”

Your eyes meet his in this moment and you feel your heart pounding against your chest. “Does that make you mine too?”

“I’ve been yours since you stepped foot in this town.” He says, like he didn’t even have to think about a response. Like it was in his nature.

“Good.”

You drop your hips down further, effectively slamming him right into you. You both cry out at the pressure, the stretch, and the depth he’s hitting you with at this angle. It’s all perfect. 

“Oh my fuck.” He tenses. "You look fucking unreal in my hat."

You grind against him, like you cant get enough, as he fucks up into you as merciless as possible. Its as if neither of you can get close enough. His arms envelop you as he pulls you back, letting him fall to his back as thrusts into you powerfully.

“Charles,” you whisper. “I need..”

You don’t even know what you need. All you know is that you need more of him.

“Yeah?” His voice is low, so rough in your ear, you could come just from hearing it. “Fucking gripping me like you’re gonna come.”

His voice is hoarse as he slips a hand down your back, gripping your ass in his hands and pushing you to meet his thrusts even harder. 

It doesn’t take the long. You both shatter completely, groaning and moaning against the blanket.

“Oh fuck.” His arms are tense as he snaps his hips into you, dropping his head back against the blanket as you careen forward with a cry. You both can hear the squelch of the both of you, and it somehow makes it even hotter as he keeps going.

You sag against his chest and it rises and falls deeply as you both come down from the high.

“My god sweetheart.” He chuckles, his fingers sweeping your hair behind your ear as you lift your head to look at him. His cock still inside of you.

“Yeah, you’re mine alright.” He says it like he’s talking to himself. He probably is.

You smile, dropping your face back into his chest.

Yeah, you are. But how could you keep him when you're leaving in just a few days?

[thinemoonshine]

୨୧ 𝓵𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝓶𝐞, 𝓭𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝓵𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝓶𝐞 ୨୧

—⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆ in which enhypen find themselves lost, listless in the dark tunnel they’re trapped in—and (y/n) is their light at the end of it

enhypen hyung line x fem!enhypen 8th member contents: fluff, enhypen clinging onto (y/n), men who yearn, crying, mentions of bad media, (y/n) comforts, heartfelt moments, enha and (y/n) are very affectionate and in love (whether platonic or romantic is up to interpretation) type: imagine

note: this work is based off of ૮꒰ྀིthis꒱ྀིა ask! and sorry i only included the hyung line :( for some reason my brain can’t think of continuations

⋆˙𐙚 L.HEESEUNG 𐙚˙⋆

“heeseung?” (y/n) mutters with confusion upon recognizing him through her door monitor.

he did ask if he could come but that was 5 minutes ago, he couldn’t already be here. but the sight of his black-masked face, capped and hooded head and doe eyes peering into the camera prove her otherwise.

she opens the door and heeseung steps inside without a word, not even a greeting and the door locks automatically behind him.

(y/n) looks up at his shadowed mien, unable to see his expression and his silence but she’s not the slightest bit intimidated. if anything, she’s worried.

“everything okay?” she asks and hee stays quiet just a little longer before wrapping his arms around her and resting his cheek against her head.

he says nothing, just continuing to embrace her with a gradually tightening hold by the minute and she hears a small sigh escape him.

she doesn’t need to ask anymore. her hand reaches up to gently pat his back and he only pulls her closer against his chest. her legs are almost dangling, balancing on her toes from the unintentional hoist by heeseung as he clings and she wriggles to at least free her squashed face.

“want something to drink?” she offers and her soft voice albeit muffled rings in his ears like wind chimes and the jarring chaos in his mind goes mute.

his shoulders loosen and body turns limp against her as he drops his head onto her shoulder instead. “please.”

(y/n) chuckles with endearment and runs her hand down the back of his head—lifting his cap and hoodie in the meantime—and he hums at the feeling of her fingers massaging his overheated head.

“come on,” she says and pulls back while cupping his face—his lips jutted from her smooshing his cheeks—and she smiles at the sight of him blinking at her curiously, the knit between his brows now gone. “i have a lot of options to choose from.”

she spins on her heels again to walk ahead with a drop of her hands but just after her first step, he can feel a hand tugging against the back of her shirt. her chest lightens at the knowledge of heeseung clinging onto the fabric and the image in her head makes her chuckle and she continues on her way—not forgetting to offer him one of her hands from him to (very happily) accept by interlocking his fingers with.

⋆˙𐙚 P.JONGSEONG 𐙚˙⋆

clink!

the glass cup chimes slightly when (y/n) puts it down on jay’s bedside table.

he’s caught the flu—a really bad one—and seeing as how the others have gone out, she’s the only one available to take care of him which, in her opinion, isn’t bad at all. as much as she knows how capable the others are, she’s not sure they can nurse him without getting infected themselves or making it worse.

(y/n) gently pats jay’s heated skin with a damp towel and he stirs at that. his brows knit and lips part as a small strained breath escapes before his heavy eyes flutter open by the slightest to peer at her.

“sorry…” he croaks suddenly while she’s putting away the towel and she looks at him with soft confusion.

“what for?”

jay says nothing at first, tired and he gulps thickly. “for…burdening you. it’s your off day.”

(y/n) smiles at this and she cups his cheek—him leaning into the touch as he looks up. “i wouldn’t know what to do anyway so i’d rather take care of you any day.”

“you’re just saying that,” jay scoffs weakly, amused, but he can’t ignore the flutter he feels inside.

“i’m being honest!” the girl claims and pulls her hand away to cool his face down with the towel again. the noticeably heating skin making her worry.

jay doesn’t go back to sleep after, instead opting for watching her work as she combs his hair out of his face, fix his sheets and softly massages his hands and arms so they won’t be sore.

and suddenly, he finds his vision blurring as hot tears cascade down the corners of his eyes. his jaw’s clenched tight and he turns his face away to hide himself—a futile attempt.

“are you hurting? where is it?” she asks, concern painted on her face as she starts to run her feathery touch across his arms and shoulders to find the source.

jay only shakes his head and he inhales sharply to suppress his emotions but his debilitated self hinders him from following through. a tear turns to many and he swallows a sob into a croak.

“jay…?” (y/n) calls gingerly and cups his cheek to turn his face towards her—heart breaking at the sight of his glossy eyes and flushed, wet skin. “what’s going on?”

“it’s just t-tough,” he says vaguely. “i’m missing a lot. i—everything is just so hard. to catch up, i—”

he’s cut off by a strained sob and he brings the heels of his palms to press on his eyes. he’s not want to hide his tears, knowing that it’s a normal human thing and if any of the members was to cry, he’d rather them show it rather than hide.

but never did he imagine that what would set him off is the unabashed, limitless comfort that (y/n) spoils him with. never could he guess that the tenderness of her touches and attentiveness are what would wreck his dam—freeing the untamed turbulence of his mind.

it’s not just about being sick, missing schedules and having to catch up. it’s deeper than that—and all it took was (y/n) just being to unlock that.

and she knows.

“stop, i’m sweaty,” jay groans and pulls himself away when (y/n) started to lay herself beside him.

“i don’t care,” she chirps with a shrug and the other scoffs weakly—his lips pulling to a soft, amused smirk.

“well, you should because i’m sick and i’ll infect you,” he says hoarsely but the way his body turns and curls towards her belie his words.

she grins and brings a hand up to continue caressing his head—which he greatly favours if the way he nudges against it is any indication—before she pushes down slightly to bring him closer to the crook of her neck. “like i’d push away a chance to stay home.”

her joke manages to squeeze out a chuckle from him and the faucets of his eyes twist to a stop as his breaths deepen and relax the longer he stays in her embrace.

her scent and presence healing him more than any pills and syrup can ever achieve—his own arms curling around her and pulling her close almost to a suffocating level.

⋆˙𐙚 S.JAEYUN 𐙚˙⋆

puppy. that’s the signature animal assigned to jake given his golden retriever tendencies and pretty, puppy eyes. not to mention the fluffy hair. but that’s all there is to it. just a label.

so why is it that he finds himself sitting outside (y/n)’s bedroom door at the vacation house like a dog put on time out?

with his knees to his chest, sad eyes staring at his toes and bottom lip jutted slightly as his mind both thinks of everything and nothing at the same time.

his eyes are wide open, awake despite the midnight hour and his ears are alert for any sound that might come from (y/n)’s room. the slightest creak makes him perk while every thud makes him turn his head quickly to check if the door’s opening.

he misses her. badly.

a while before, unable to fall asleep, he decided to do something that could make or break a celebrity’s day: search up his name. while most are of good things, he can’t simply ignore some that point out the bad—from finding the faults in his dance moves and flaws in his vocals—that absolutely kills his self-esteem.

even when these ‘negatives’ are sometimes exaggerated to the point of it actually being non-existent in the first place, he can’t help but feel belittled and…insufficient.

and in the moment, the first person that popped in his mind is (y/n). sadly, it’s 2 in the morning.

so all he can do is hide his face in his arms that are folded over his knees pulled against his chest—hoping, wishing that her presence behind the door is enough to satiate his longing.

“jake…?”

his head shoots up and he turns. an angel?

no. it’s (y/n) standing in the gap of her now open door with her oversized cartoon nightdress and a bird’s nest on top of her head. her eyes are squinting, weakened by the corridor’s light as she tries to focus on him.

“why are you sitting in front of my room?”

jake gasps softly, as if unbelieving of how his prayer has been answered and he’s quick to go on his feet. “i…wanted to see you.”

it doesn’t take a rocket genius to figure out something was wrong and she doesn’t hesitate to invite him in which he immediately accepts with his whole being—zooming through and standing in the centre of her room like a pole, waiting, before being pulled by her to sit on the edge of her bed.

“what’s up?” she asks in a murmur, the sleepiness still in her system and jake aches at the sight.

he didn’t mean to wake her. but as selfish as it sounds, part of him (most of him) can’t help but feel relieved and happy that she is.

“i just saw some comments online,” he quietly confesses as he fiddles with his fingers on his lap, embarrassed. as normal as it is, he can’t help but feel slightly ashamed that he’s so affected by some random onlookers online who probably have nothing else better to do.

yet, the moment he lifts his timid gaze up to her again, he’s almost given whiplash at how intense and sharp the glare she wears is. the drowsiness completely erased as she’s more taken by irritation.

but he knows it’s not for him. never for him. and that fact is already working as a balm to his burns.

“those people know nothing. and i mean nothing about you,” she hisses but is careful to keep her voice calm and her hands fly to cup his cheeks—smooshing them so his lips pucker and his eyes widen with surprise. she pulls him closer to her face. “they don’t know how much of a big sweetheart you are. how you’re so talented and skilled and overwhelmingly charming, handsome, beautiful that i don’t think you’re even real sometimes.”

her words make warmth spread from his chest and his cheeks start to glow a sweet red that you can almost see them even in the dim room.

“really?” he asks with a grin between his squished cheeks land (y/n) nods vigorously.

“of course! you’re such bundle of greatness that even i can’t compete with how much aura you got,” she jokes using the slang terms that make them both giggle but they know how much she actually means it.

jake’s grin seems permanent now and he lifts his hands to gently pull hers down from his face and interlock his fingers between. “you don’t have to compete. we can share.”

“oh? and you’re generous too? your great qualities are limitless!” she adds which he can’t help but titter shyly to before covering it up with a wiggle of his brows.

their soft chuckles fill the room before they’re enveloped in a calm, comforting silence.

her yawn breaks it momentarily after and jake’s just about to leave with a show of gratitude but he’s stopped when (y/n) mindlessly goes under the covers and pats the space beside her.

“slumber party~” she sleepily sings with a dopey smile and jake’s heart squeezes and pops at the sight.

slowly, he joins her and reaches to bring one of her hands to cup between his—hugging it like some kind of teddy bear as he nuzzles against it.

“thank you, (y/n),” he softly says, warm breath fanning over her knuckles when he suddenly hears a small snore escape from her.

he looks at her, surprised at how quickly she fell back to sleep before grinning, amused. his eyes fall back to her hand he holds, the noticeable size difference making him coo and he glances back up to check whether she’s still asleep before placing a loving tender kiss in her palm.

one that speaks many without words.

⋆˙𐙚 P.SUNGHOON 𐙚˙⋆

ding dong!

(y/n) heads to the door mid her night skincare routine, one hand still fixing her mask while the other presses on the monitor. “sunghoon?”

she swings the door open, able to recognize him even with the layers he wears and he lifts his head—revealing his round eyes and dark, luxuriant brows previously shadowed by his cap. “hey. you didn’t tell me you were coming.”

sunghoon shifts his weight from one foot to the other and his hands stuffed in his pocket try to dig deeper down if only his pants would allow it.

“sorry,” he muffles into the scarf wrapped around his neck and (y/n) shakes her head before opening the door wider.

“don’t be. you’re welcome anytime, i was just surprised,” she says casually with a shrug and steps back into her home let him in.

the door automatically shuts behind them and it chimes.

“make yourself at home. i’m going to finish my skincare and—“

she stops suddenly, both in her tracks and sentence before turning around with a cheeky tight-lipped smile. sunghoon blinks, also paused in the middle of freeing himself from his stuffy extra covers for discretion.

“what?” he asks, eyes wide with confusion.

“wanna do skincare with me? i’ll do all the work! you’ll be my customer like in a little beauty salon!” (y/n) offers and sunghoon’s scarf slowly drops from his shoulder as he thinks.

to be honest, he’d rather not. he wants to just lie down on the couch and rest peacefully as he basks in the cozy, homey atmosphere of (y/n)’s place.

so how’d he end up with a cold face mask on, a fluffy headband pushing his hair back and his hand being in (y/n)’s hold as she paints his nails with a serum?

“want more fruit?” she asks, focused on his fingers and he nods. without pulling her eyes away from his hand, she reaches behind to her coffee table, stabs a small cut of honeydew from its bowl before feeding it to his lips with great precision and sunghoon, still amazed as he was times before, opens his mouth to take it.

he watches as she intently applies the gloss onto his nails and cuticles, taking in the way her brows furrow slightly to how her jaw tightens and lips part whenever she realizes she’s gritting her teeth.

then suddenly she looks up and their eyes meet. his breaths hitch.

“hm?” she hums and sunghoon raises his brows in wonder before seeing his hand resting on her crown.

when did that get there?

sunghoon’s pale rosy lips part, wanting to utter the single word ‘nothing.’ like always. he can say ‘nothing.’

but why must he?

“thank you…for this. i didn’t know i needed it,” he starts and slowly pats her head. “i actually came because i was so…exhausted. i needed a break.”

he doesn’t need to specify what he means. the colours that have returned to his face, loosened shoulders and soft face speak volumes.

she’s noticed his desolate demeanor before when he came—how gaunt he was, with gaze near hollow and body language overall fatigued and strained—but she chose not to say. self care however, is one of the best home therapies she knows.

“you can rest as long as you want here,” she assures and sunghoon’s small smile stretches ever so slightly, shifting his mask and he brings his hand down to the side of her face to gently stroke her cheek.

“thank you,” he mumbles again, quieter now, almost like a mutter, and she nods before resuming her work and him resuming to watch.

he doesn’t know what exactly it is about her that allows him to be so vulnerable. whatever it is, it’s like she’s his lighthouse, saving him from going astray. a warm hearth during winter or a tongue freezing popsicle during the sweltering summer.

she’s his little respite. the first one he runs to, the first name on the tip of his tongue whenever he's losing touch with himself.

and it’s proven by how easily he finds himself falling asleep with his hand tightly holding hers and groaning softly whenever she tries to pull away. she scoffs, amused, with an endeared smile with a small whisper of “good night.”

[cognitiveoverload]

Rejection (Aaron Hotchner x reader)

summary: Being Hotch’s favorite is hard, but when he suddenly asks you out, you don’t really know if you’d like to make things harder for yourself.

tags: fem!tech analyst!reader

note: There will be more parts, not necessarily in chronological order. What do you think, what situations will they find themselves in? Send an ask with your idea, and let’s see what will happen.

At first, it was just a casual and genuinely innocent observation from Spencer. “Have you noticed that Hotch calls only you if he needs something?” he asked one day as he sat between you and Penelope in your little den.

But then this comment spread through the BAU like wildfire, making everyone think back of all the times their boss needed information, and look at that, they all remembered the same detail–it’s not just the fact he was always calling you, it was the fact he always called you by your first name.

And that’s how the constant teasing began. Derek, Emily, JJ and Penelope tormented you, with Spencer occasionally joining to spit out some facts about the both of you, while Rossi targeted Hotch as far as you knew. It was mortifying, really, but you got used to it.

What you still can't get used to is the change in your boss’ behavior. Recently he’s been different, although you can’t quite put a finger on what it is that changed. Sure, maybe he shows up a little more often in your office, strictly when Penelope isn’t around, and he brings you coffee when you’re working late or arrive a little too early as he does.

“How are you holding up?”

You turn your swivel chair around to look at Hotch, who’s standing in the door with an almost worried expression on his face. He sent Penelope home a few hours ago when a case affected her too much, and now apparently it was time for another wellness check in your little office. It’s hard to miss the way he’s flexing his fingers, a clear sign that he’s nervous, although you’re not a profiler, so you remain silent before you say something stupid.

Thinking about his question, you realize one thing. “It didn’t really affect me. Does this mean something’s wrong with me?” you ask him.

His lips part as he takes a shallow breath and thinks about what you just said. For a moment you think he’ll not give you an answer, but then he sits on the edge of your desk and watches you with a small smile. “It only means you’re tough. Look, you said, ‘It didn’t really affect me,’ which tells me it did affect you, just not as intensely as it did Garcia for example,” he explains kindly.

Nodding, you look down at your hands in your lap, but your gaze rises when he bumps his leg into your thigh. You expect him to say something, but Hotch remains silent, and he even acts like he didn’t do anything at all. There is one little thing that’s different, though. That barely visible smirk, the one you’ve all seen before.

Times like this it’s hard to comprehend the extremes in his behavior. He can act like this, so kind and supportive, but he can play rough too, especially when he loses control. And times like that, like a few days ago when he yelled at an agent who tried to take a case from him, you can’t help but think about how he could yell at you any time with you even thanking him.

Because, as pathetic as it might sound, an angry Hotch is simply irresistible. You probably have some issues that should be analyzed, but that’s tomorrow’s problem.

“I often wonder how you all can do this every single day. Penelope told me to brace myself when I arrived, but… It’s hard sometimes,” you admit quietly. “Yet, there are cases that don’t really make me feel anything. I can’t really wrap my head around that.”

His brown eyes soften in sync with his expression, and then his lips curl into a smile. “You’re a good person, never forget that. Not feeling anything might be your brain’s way of protecting you. Either way, if you ever want to talk, you know where to find me,” he tells you as he stands up.

You nod, then return to your computer once he’s heading to the door. But then the sound of footsteps suddenly dies, and when you turn around to see if he has just disappeared into thin air, you find him watching you with a thoughtful look. Your brows furrow in confusion, but you don’t say anything, you just wait for him to spit out whatever’s on his mind.

“Aren’t you hungry?” he asks casually.

It seems like an innocent, regular question between co-workers. The members of the BAU often team up in pairs or bigger groups to grab something, even Hotch joins them for a drink in a bar or dinner in some restaurant nearby. But he has never, ever gone out to eat with someone alone. Maybe with Rossi, but that doesn’t count.

So, it’s no wonder you have to think about the offer. You would be on thin ice, the team already has a little too much fun with the fact Hotch is playing favorites with you. If you have dinner with him alone, they might think you’ve been in some secret relationship all along.

In the end, the rational–or maybe rather paranoid–side of your brain makes the final decision. “Thanks, but I’d rather go home after I finish this,” you say, pointing at your computer.

He nods, and you begin to think he’s about to leave, but then he gulps and takes a deep breath, as if he’s gathering the strength or courage to say whatever’s on his mind. “I have paperwork that can’t wait, but I can give you a ride home after I’m done,” he offers, and there’s a look in his eyes that you can’t quite identify.

“No need, I’ll be fine, but thanks anyway,” you tell him with a forced smile.

The last thing you need and want is Hotch taking you home. He means well, you know that, but you can’t risk being seen by someone who could easily start a rumor. The problem is, he’s almost as old as your dad, so people would talk about your nonexistent daddy issues, and he’s your boss, which would only make things worse.

So far the whole joke about being his favorite is something that stayed within the team, but if it gets out and reaches HR, you’re both done. You don’t want that, but not because of yourself. Hotch is ambitious, he’s insanely good at office politics, and if he wants to be promoted, he can’t be involved in such scandals.

You’re pulled out of your thoughts by the sigh that leaves his lips. He looks almost disappointed, which is something you don’t really understand, because you can’t remember anything that could be even remotely rude. What is his problem? Or is there something he wants to talk about, something he wants to get off his chest?

Before you know it, he closes the door and walks back to you. “I’ve been making offers, and you turn down each and every one of them without hesitation. Why?” You can’t help but give him a confused look, because you have absolutely no idea what he’s talking about. Well, you know, but why does it bother him? “Is it because we would be alone?”

“It’s just… Wouldn’t it be weird?” you ask.

He inhales and exhales slowly before he suddenly crouches in front of you. “Look, there is a chance it will be weird, yes, but why don’t we give it a shot to see, huh? Come on, just you and me. If you’re afraid someone we both know will see us, we can go somewhere away from the usual crowd.”

You tilt your head to the side as you watch him, observing the look in his eyes, the small smile that makes your heart melt, and you simply can’t get yourself to say no to him. “Why?” you ask, although you know the answer, you just want to hear him say it.

“I’m sure I don’t have to spell it out for you,” he says with a boyish smile.

Gulping, you nod. A date. Aaron Hotchner wants to go on a date with you. But he’s your boss, if you started a relationship, there would be the danger of the aftermath of a breakup. Would you really like to risk it? You love this job, you love this team, you love Penelope, losing them wouldn’t be worth it.

You lick your lips as you push your chair back to build some distance. “I really have to get back to work now, and I’m sure Jack would be happy if you got home before bedtime,” you say, even though it hurts to turn down the invitation.

Hotch lets out a disappointed sigh as he stands up. “If you change your mind… you know. Good night.”

“Good night.”

[paetalks]

the first time sukuna ryomen hears 212 by azealia banks it’s through the walls of his room that he shares directly with your bathroom. your voice sounds muffled over the loud bass base that is pounding a hole in his head while he’s trying to focus on his pc. he’s trying to write a paper for college and it’s almost impossible with all the noise you have been making. you weren’t a bad neighbor overall - i mean, he has never seen you in person - but the music you would blast while showering was absolutely insufferable to him. you always kept quiet, day and night, never run around or moved furniture. sukuna has been living there for well over a month and everything was going well, apart from the fact that you loved singing in the shower. it was okay the first times, really, but lately the songs kept getting louder and louder. and it was all annoying, girly club music. the one he couldn’t really stomach.

so when he hears the first notes of yet another kim petras’ song he gets up from his chair and bolts out the apartment, ringing at your doorbell. it takes a while for the volume to be turned down, and ever more for you to reach the door. when you crack it slightly open, you see a tall, tattooed, attractive, muscular man looking down at you with pure hatred in his eyes. your brain goes blank and you let the door slip from your hands, opening fully only to reveal your towel-covered body and damp hair. his eyes widen, but never leave your frame or seem to be less angry. “hi?” you say, confused.

“hi.” his voice is deep, his sentences short and cutting “would you mind turning the damn music down?”

“oh” you frown, looking at him from head to toe. you notice how he’s wearing grey sweat pants and a black sabbath’s t-shirt that looks like it has seen better days. his hair is all over the place. a smirk makes its way to your face. “yeah, i would actually mind. i was kinda in the middle of something…” you gesture back to the direction in which the music is still coming from and your towel falls slightly lower.

the stranger’s eyes follow your hands as you pull it up again, rolling them afterwards. “i’m trying to work here.” he gestures (mocking you) at his front door, right next to yours.

“okay?” you purse your lips. “i don’t think that’s any of my business really. i’m just playing some good music.”

“good?” his eyebrows furrow. “you don’t even know what good music is.”

you roll your eyes. “okay, stranger. go ahead and insult me right in my house.” you chuckle ironically, meanwhile ayesha erotica starts playing in the background. “oooh, i love this song!” you squeal, and his eyes dart quickly between the direction in which the music is coming from and your body. your frame hugged by that towel is making him rethink being mad at you.

before he can say anything else, you smile forcefully. “gotta go back in there. byeeee!” and you close the door right in front of his face.

he stands there for a while, eyes widened and twitching. how can you be so hot and yet so annoying? he starts asking himself while walking back to his room. he sits back in his chair and as soon as he decides to surrender for the day and give up on his work, the music finally stops. sighting in relief, he opens his laptop again, still thinking about you and how that little towel wasn’t even covering all that much.

you definitely will be a problem, he thinks, taking a deep breath finally in silence.

or so he thinks, because not even a second later the first notes of paranoid from black sabbath start playing at full volume on your speaker. he laughs with himself. “she’s funny” he mumbles, shaking his head, secretly hoping to bump in you again soon.

sorry guys just had a shower and thought aboyt this. also i love music bye <3 hope you get all my songs references i’m sorry

[cod-indulgences]

How do you think Simon or Kyle would react to user having like a really puffy petticoat/ puff skirt?

They're extremely soft and it's amazing wearing them + you don't have to worry about like, accidentally showing anything since there are so many ruffles? (They're also adorable with movement?? Twirling makes them puff up kinda and it's all fluffy cloud and cloth, jumping too)

(I asked this to someone else but just decided to bite the bullet here-)

Simon Riley x female!reader, exhibitionism, dubcon, fucking in public, but they're the only ones who know- right?, slight humiliation/degradation

It's not a costume, it's cosplay, you insist, but Simon isn't really listening. Simon would be playing with the ruffles even as he insists he's not. Flipping the edges and running the lace edges between his fingers. No he's not messing with your skirt, he's just getting some dirt off. There was a bug. He's just checking it's sitting right, you put so much effort into your outfit love, just try'na help.

It's only when he lifts you up to get a kiss and realizes how deep the skirt goes that his brain turns over. Both hands on your ass and he's in ruffles up to his elbows, you can't see a goddamn thing through it, and it hits him that he could split you open on his cock and no one would know.

He hauls you into his lap, nuzzling your throat as you giggle and scold him about PDA, and sneaks a hand up to your pussy beneath the skirt. You can't get up off him easily, and he's got those strong fingers rubbing over your clit through your panties, fuck why did you decide to go all in with your outfit and pick the lacey lingerie?? Now it's dragging and scratching your clit, plumping you up, and Simon grins because he knows he's got you. Poor sweet thing, getting all stupid even before his cock is in you.

You try and balk when he pulls his dick out and rubs the wet head against your hole. Panties pulled to the side, your legs open over his lap, Simon, someone will see!

See you crying on my cock, he says in your ear, and tugs your face down into his shoulder to muffle your shout as he lifts you up and all the way down. Just a sweet thing on her man's lap, nothing happening here, and he hitches his hips up in little grinding thrusts that make you moan and whimper. He can feel you drooling on his balls, and whispers how cute you are dressed like this, how easy you made it for him to just get his cock in you, right here where all the people are milling around, taking photos, maybe looking over to see what's going on with that couple in the corner, the big man holding his girl in his lap. How sweet, how innocent.

Would they still call you innocent if they knew how hard you're coming just from warming my cock?

Simon holds you and rubs your back through the shuddering and clenching, letting your cunt squeeze and fuck down onto him, the thick pile of skirts around your hips and thighs rustling only a little. Amazing, and he reminds you to keep your voice down as he starts bouncing you up and down, sneaking a hand up to grope your tits though your top, tugging a nipple out so he can pinch it.

You're so blissed out you barely manage a protest, but he pins you under his arm like he's embracing you. Shush lovie, let me use this little pussy and I'll get you back on your feet. I'm so close already, you feel so good, hot and tight, and your pussy clamps down as Simon shoves his cock so deep it aches, biting on your shoulder to muffle himself.

When he pulls out you whimper at the slick mess over your thighs, sticking the inner layer of your skirts to your skin, panties twisted up and soaked through. Simon just laughs and tucks his cock away, setting you on your feet with a kiss. Next time you wear this, don't bother with the panties, he says, and tugs your top back into place as a camera shutter flashes.

[delight-angelsbliss]

s2 nr 3 and 15 whit Shadow!

Prompts: "Do you think I like punishing you?! Because I don't!" + "if you run, I'll break your legs"

Warnings: This is my first time writing a yandere so it might not be the best, yandere shadow, mentions of beating and isolation, gifts that include gore, my trash grammar,

Notes: I've never written for a yandere before so this is a good chance to practice^-^ I hope you like these!! Also AGAIN there was no gender specified so these will be gender neutral with no set pronouns nor was it specified if this should be hcs or a oneshot <3

Shadow is emotionally unavailable and unstable from past trauma of losing a loved one

It was no surprise he'd do anything not to go through that again

At first your friendship with shadow the hedgehog seemed strained, he'd be cold and distant like he was with everyone else, it felt like he was purposely trying to exclude and isolate you from everyone else using the excuse that "he was uncomfortable with you"

But what you didn't notice on those cold walks home, walking back from yet another failed get together, was that he is watching every move, making sure you get home safely

Slowly yet surely flowers and letter started appearing on your door, the first one was on the first of February, the letter stated that you'd be his valentines

It didn't seem like a request, but a demand

A cold and brutal demand that left you in fear for what's to come

Like any other normal person, you when to the police, friends and family to get some help, but the police said they couldn't do anything since they're anonymous and hasn't made any big threats

Friends said you should be happy that you have a secret admirer, some family even gushing about a potential partner

That left you to fend for yourself, if course you were mad about not getting mad and he knew

Until you got small calls

You could hear strained and inconsistent breathing from the other line, they slowly started letting out small greetings

"Did you like the gift I left you?" The caller suddenly blurts out, his voice sounded rough and a few octaves lower, like he just had a coughing session

You hang up the phone, if he did leave something, you could get it to the police as evidence

When you open the door, you see a small heart box of chocolate, your fingers reach for it, gripping the top

As you open it you find flesh and other intestines

Your blood ran cold, who was this? Who did this belong to? Where did they get it? Why did they get it? Millions of questions ran through your brain before dropping the box, you close the door and run to call the police, sadly before you could reach the phone you had someone putting a cloth napkin over your mouth and nose

A gun was held to your forehead, you recognize that hand... Was it really him?

"Don't you dare, they won't believe you" Shadow said, pushing the gun against your temples, the cold metal digging into your skin as the growing fear in your eyes became for evident

Apparently evident enough for him to see...

"Do you think I like punishing you?! Because I don't! It's not my fault you tried to call the cops! If you wouldn't have been so nice and flirty to the others expect for me, this wouldn't have happened" he raised his voice with every word that sneered out of his mouth, suddenly he lets you go, instead opting to grab you in a chokehold

"It'll be fine.. You won't leave, right? If you run, I'll break your legs" of course you would run! Your hands gripped his arm that had you trapped, you bent your knees a but to lower your center of gravity before throwing him over you

A loud thud assaulted your ears, that was sign enough to start running, but before you could he grabbed your ankle, his hands digging into your skin before he pulled you down with him

There was no escaping him, he wouldn't let you go

[t-chlmt-blog]

ADHD!reader x Spencer Reid

when reader gets overstimulated at the office spencer finds her in an odd spot and helps calm her down.

word cound: 0.7k

warnings: neurodivergent reader and spencer, mentions of breakdowns, i dont think there anything else but lmk!

also pls be kind this is my first fic! and if i continue to write for adhd!reader most of what i write ab is stuff that i personally deal with while having adhd, it can be different for everyone so pls take everything with a grain of salt!

The hum of the AC in the bullpen is boring into your skull. Along with the chatter of other agents, all the sensations are getting to be too much. The stack of paperwork on your desk hasn’t gotten any smaller in the past hour and your legs started aching from sitting too long. It’s all too much. Morgan and Prentiss are chatting no more than 10 feet away and you can’t concentrate , not with everything going on.

Standing up and pushing away from the desk, you quickly slip by the duo whose conversation you couldn’t follow mumbling a quick “excuse me” with your head down.

Ducking behind the door to the stairwell, you sit down on the first few steps trying to calm yourself down. Nobody really ever comes this way unless the elevators were out of service. The stairwell is quiet but each small movement creates an echo that provokes that suffocating feeling of overstimulation. Normally in a situation like this, you’d let Spencer know and he’d sit with you, toning down his rambling as he lists grounding techniques for you to try, however, today was a bad one gone worse and the thought of anyone talking is almost enough to send you into a full blow meltdown. You feel hot and stuffy and realize the water bottle, full of ice cold water from this morning was still at your desk. Great.

You’re focused on the cool tile beneath you, laying your palms down trying to cool down, when you hear footsteps coming up the stairs. You hadn’t payed much attention to the fact Spencer had been missing from the bullpen and didn’t even realize he had been a floor down this whole time. Sometimes when he needs a bit longer to think he takes the stairs to his destination.

“What are you doing out here?” He asked with that slight smile and gentle voice. He knows all too well the struggles of neurodiversity and finds that he two of you can relate to each other more so than the rest of the team.

Your head whips up and to the right, where Spencer has suddenly appeared, why didn’t you hear his footsteps before? “Just needed a second, it got kinda stuffy out there”, a simple explanation he understood to be more than you’re making it out to be. Years of masking and trying to fit in, you could handle a lot before you would totally break down, having learned where your threshold for this sort of thing was so as to not make a fool of yourself in front of other people.

“Are you ok, do you feel well?” Spencer asks, putting down his files next to you, attempting to look for any tell tale signs of illness or injury. When he finds nothing too concerning, just your flushed skin, starting to bead with sweat, he sits next to you. He’s been looking out for you a lot more recently, both in and out of the office and field.

“I just didn’t get enough sleep and the bullpen’s too loud and those lights were starting to bug me.” As soon as you told Spencer the reason for your hiding, he understood. He’s no stranger to feeling overstimulated like this and knows you aren’t either. Conversations on the jet and in the break room detailed the feelings you both shared being neurodivergent. Although Spencers brain worked almost completely opposite of yours, you both understood each other fairly well.

“Here,” he says gently taking your hand in his, feeling the heat, placing them in a new spot on he tile. Since he’d come up the stairs, you hadn’t moved an inch, it felt refreshing against your hot palms once again. “Would leaning against the wall help at all?” You hadn’t tried it but inched backwards and turned so the your back connected with the wall.

Your eyes close in relief. You hadn’t realized it but from ay one, Spencer has started to pick up on all the details and quirks that make you , you. Of course his eidetic memory helps, but somethings he just gets.

Starting to cool down, in the comfortable silence you open your eyes and look to Spencer and his brown eyes and smile. Joining such a tight knit team was intimidating but Spencer always made you feel wanted.

[pursued-by-the-squid]

vii. stage fright

pairing: gi-hun x gn!reader x in-ho

word count: 12.5k

ao3 | masterlist

“You should eat.”

Rolling over onto your side reveals Gi-hun, standing over your bed with a frown. “I’m not hungry,” you mumble before returning to your original position.

“You need to keep up your strength.” The mattress dips down by your feet and the bed creaks softly as it adjusts to Gi-hun’s weight. He seems to start a sentence a few times, his inhalations quiet yet sudden, but whatever it is he wants to say seems impossible to speak aloud. In the end, he relinquishes himself to an awkward pat on your foot.

How many times have the two of you been here? Each of you lost to your own grievances, trying so hard to push through the fog and failing every time. How many times has he texted you a reminder to get to bed early, to be careful when you go out the next morning, to eat something filling before class? How many times have you tried to do the same in return?

“I’ve lost my appetite,” you tell him, even as you’re moving to sit up and swing your legs over the edge of the bed. “The thought of eating anything makes me feel sick.”

Gi-hun nods once in comprehension, his eyes suddenly softer as he watches you. “I understand,” he murmurs. You try not to think about how much it makes your heart flutter knowing that he cares.

It’s that very understanding, you think, that leads you both to the meal line. Neither of you wants to eat, but neither of you wants the other to go hungry. Eating will keep his mind sharp, it’ll make him faster and stronger, and it will do the same for you of course, it’s just that you can’t stop thinking about all those people… All that blood…

Try not to think about it, you tell yourself, but it’s so much easier to say than it is to do. Everywhere you look is a reminder of just how dire your circumstances are. The ominous piggy bank hanging overhead, the player count, the blood still on Gi-hun’s face, each of them a ghost intent on haunting you. How can you possibly–?

“[___]?”

One moment you’re lost to the horror of it all, and the next you find yourself blinking up at the face of the last person you would have ever expected. “Young-il-nim?”

Your first thought is that you’re imagining things, so traumatized by the first game that you’ve fully lost it, but then – oh, then he’s smiling and he laughs, and it’s him, it’s really him.

“Oh my God,” you cry, throwing your arms around him in a desperate embrace. “What are, what are you doing here? How did you-? Why did you-? Shit, are you okay? You’re not hurt, are you?”

Young-il chuckles to himself as your trembling hands go scrambling over his shoulders and chest to check for injuries. “I’m alright,” he assures you, as if he hasn’t a care in the world. But then his expressions shifts and he ducks his head to try and catch your eyes. “But what are you doing here? You don’t belong in a place like this.”

A brief image of the masked man invading your home comes to mind before you banish it. You shake your head. “It’s a long story,” you sigh, “and difficult to explain. I…” Words are lost to you. You have so many thoughts buzzing inside your brain that it’s difficult to think clearly, to conjure up the shapes and sounds you need to explain yourself.

“It alright,” he says after a moment. You catch him glancing to the side, meeting Gi-hun’s eyes over your shoulder, before looking back to you. “Eat first. I’ll find you after and we can talk then.”

He nods his head respectfully to both of you before walking off, food in hand and the numbers ‘001’ sewn to the back of his jacket. Something twists painfully in your gut, probably the knife he’s just lodged between your ribs.

“Who was that?” Is it your imagination or does Gi-hun’s voice sound deeper than before?

“A friend.” But now the words are sour on your tongue. Because Young-il was the one to break the tie. Young-il was the one to trap you here for another game. Young-il was the one who stood up against everything Gi-hun has been fighting against, and your face is awash with shame because of it.

“Young-il-nim.”

From his spot on the steps, he’s forced to tip his head back to meet your eyes and for a moment, you almost forget the reason you’ve sought him out. His hair is different, you suddenly realize. It swoops over his temples, soft and boyish, and it changes his face just so. All those harsh edges you’ve grown accustomed to are rounded out, less garish despite the fluorescent lighting and the terrible circumstances. And still, the blue patch on his chest marks him as a traitor. It may as well be soaked in your own blood and Gi-hun’s for what it’s worth.

He smiles and gestures to the empty space on his left with his elbow. “Come and sit.”

How can he be like this? How can he sit there and look at you with such blatant fondness, how can he still have an appetite after the things you’ve both just witnessed?

Your voice comes out much harder than usual once you finally find it. “What are you doing?”

Confusion flickers in his eyes. “Eating?”

“No. Here. What are you doing here? Why did you vote to stay?”

Young-il glances down at the X on your jacket, nodding, and the light-hearted tint to his smile finally fades. “I’m sorry.”

Your legs kick into gear before your mouth does, bringing you to the step just below his. You can’t quite bring yourself to sit beside him, to allow yourself that familiarity or closeness when his betrayal still sits heavy in your stomach, but this is not a public conversation either. You’re not here to embarrass him.

“You’re angry.”

“Can you blame me? People died, I almost–”

“I know,” he sighs as he hangs his head. “I know.”

“So why?”

Young-il’s expression turns distant, serious. “It’s complicated.”

Yeah, there seems to be a lot of that around here. But there’s something more, something he’s not telling you. He’s usually decent enough at keeping his more intense feelings close to his chest, but for once you find that you can see the intricacies of his heart quite easily. Regret and uncertainty are the most obvious to you, yet there are others lingering in the creases of his eyes and his mouth, things you don’t know how to put into words but that strike you as profound all the same.

“Your business, is it… Did something happen?”

A shadow passes over him, then, that flicker of something cold and distant that you’ve seen only once or twice before. He nods thoughtfully. “You could say that.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

His mouth curls into a frown. You might almost consider it a gesture of concern. “And make you worry needlessly? There’s nothing you could’ve done even if I had.” He looks over your shoulder again, surveying the room, his throat bobbing near your eye level. “I could ask the same of you, but I’d wager I already know the answer.”

You huff, irritated and frustrated and a million other things, turning so he’s behind you as you open your dinner. “It’s not what you think. I didn’t come here for the money.”

The toe of his shoe nudges into your back, drawing your attention. “You let that recruiter talk you into it?” Young-il tsks. “What have I told you about talking to strangers?”

He’s only teasing, of course. You know that. But even as a joke, the words hit too close to home. You’ve never told him about your encounter with the ddakji recruiter. You’ve never told him about how you met Gi-hun. You’ve never told him that since coming to Korea, every problem you’ve faced has arisen in part because you were stupid enough to engage with a stranger. Before now, you never had any intention of telling him any of it.

You eye the dinner tin in your hands. It smells good enough, but you still feel a bit queasy. You’re not sure if you’ll be able to keep it down or not.

“It wasn’t the recruiter that got me here.” It’s easier to tell him when you can’t see his face, for some reason, when you’re pretending that it doesn’t rip you apart just to admit the truth. Poking your utensil at the rubbery looking egg in your tin, you let out a sigh. “Someone took me.”

The muscles in his calf go tight against your back. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, I was kidnapped. One of them.” You nod in the direction of the dinner line. “The men with the masks.”

His voice is softer when he replies. “You didn’t call the number like the rest of us?”

“No. I promised Gi-hun that I wouldn’t, but I guess… I guess it didn’t matter, in the end.”

Glancing down at your food is a challenge, actually eating it is even harder. It tastes like sawdust in your mouth and the instant it hits the back of your throat, you gag, very nearly spitting everything out on the floor. You don’t, thankfully, but it takes a long swig of water to ensure that the food stays down.

“Why would the soldiers want to kidnap you?” he asks once several long minutes have passed. You can hear the low clinking of his dinner tin behind you as he presses the lid shut.

Your first instinct is to claim ignorance, and it wouldn’t even be a lie if you did. You have no connection to these games, no desire to play, and no reason to stay. Gi-hun provides you with everything you need. But that’s just the problem, isn’t it? Gi-hun is the sole connection you have – you shredded the ddakji woman’s business card ages ago, the night you swore to never play the game again, and you shredded the last one too.

Your attention narrows in on a single grain of rice, as if it holds all the answers you seek. “I can’t help thinking it’s because of who I know,” you admit, reluctantly.

You glance up and over your shoulder in time to see Young-il fixing his eyes on something across the room – Gi-hun. “Player 456?”

You nod quietly in agreement.

“Isn’t he the one who’s played before?”

Another nod.

“So, he’s a friend of yours, then.”

The distant recollection of a night long since passed floats across your mind’s eye. That night seems so long ago now. Sure, it’s been a couple years, but it feels like even longer now that you’re here, as if the businesswoman and the ddakji are memories of another life.

“He warned me about this place, told me he didn’t want me dragged into all of this. That’s why I called you, you know – that one time, a few months back? I thought someone from this place had killed him and you were the only person I could think of to go to when I thought he was gone. And then last night, before the soldier, he came to say goodbye and I thought…”

You’d thought a lot of things. But you hadn’t thought of something like this ever happening.

“I guess it doesn’t matter what I thought. I’m stuck here now.”

It isn’t something that you mean to imply, but there’s an unspoken ‘no thanks to you’ that haunts the space between you. It’s not entirely his fault. Young-il has his own problems that he has to work through, that much is clear, and he has no way of knowing all the chaos going on in your personal life. If you have blame to place, it can’t rest solely on his shoulders, but that doesn’t make the reality of his vote any less painful or disappointing.

The stairs behind you groan as Young-il stands, the long shadow cast by the overhead lights falling lengthwise across your body. “You know,” he begins, steadily easing himself to the ground level on step at a time, “if your friend has played before, maybe we stand a better chance at winning the next round.”

Huh. That hadn’t even occurred to you. You were so busy being scared out of your mind that you hadn’t stopped to think there might actually be some hope. It’s slight, of course, and mostly obscured in your mind by the splatters of blood and lifeless bodies you saw on the field today, but the hope is there nonetheless. If you can survive the next round, then…

“Do you think there’ll be another vote?”

“Yes,” he nods, “after each game.”

Your shoulders suddenly feel a little lighter. “Then we could make it long enough to get out of here, vote a second time and go home.”

Young-il purses his lips in consideration. “Maybe.”

Before he can elaborate any further, a shout echoes across the room. It starts somewhere over his shoulder, near the middle or front of the room where a group of three younger men have gathered. You and Young-il both turn toward the sound just in time to see one of the men fall to the ground while the other two loom over him, slamming their feet into his body over and over again, and every time he tries to stand, they smack him down. They’re hitting him hard. The man on the ground isn’t fully screaming, but he’s clearly in pain.

You’re on your feet before you even realize it. There’s nothing you feel you can do, not without risking one of the attackers turning their vengeance onto you, but it flips your stomach to see someone being beat so mercilessly. You cast a quick glance around the room – none of the other players nor any of the soldiers stationed near the doors look inclined to intervene.

“God, they’re gonna kill him,” you mutter, more in disbelief than anything else. Isn’t someone going to stop them?

Someone, apparently, means Young-il. When he first moves, you think he’s trying to get a closer look. Because of course he’s intrigued by the violence, you think with a slight roll of your eyes. God forbid he, or anyone else here, do something actually useful, but he surprises you. Instead of observing, he acts.

“Boys, what are you doing in the middle of dinner?” His voice cuts through the cursing and the flurry of fists and feet against skin. One of the men left standing, the one with the purple hair, glowers at him as he approaches. “No fights during mealtime. There are elders present. Mind your manners. And two against one? Aren't you embarrassed?”

You’ve… never heard him speak like that before. With you, he’s often quite easygoing, soft when he needs to be and rarely ever stern unless he’s concerned about something. But with these men, he does speak sternly. His body moves with the ease of a man who has no doubts about his own strength or perception.

The man with the purple hair – Thanos, you think you’d heard – curls his mouth into a sneer. “You're lecturing me when you ended up in this shithole too?” As he advances on Young-il, you’re immediately taken aback by the amount of disrespect – he’s gesturing rudely, swaggering into Young-il’s personal space, quirking his eyebrows as if to suggest that there’s nothing about Young-il that he takes seriously. “Dude, stop running your mouth and take care of your own damn kids.”

You’re so stunned, you almost forget to breathe.

Young-il is equally surprised. Even from far behind him, you can see the way his body stills. “What did you say to me?” You can’t see his face, but honestly, you don’t need to. You can hear it all in his voice, can read it in the line of his shoulders.

“I said save the lecture for your own damn kid–”

The speed with which his arm shoots out is startling. You don’t even see it, really. One moment, Thanos is yapping his face off, and the next, Young-il has his fingers digging into the tendons of his throat. He twists his arm just so and the other man bends unnaturally at the waist to accommodate him. Then the other player – 124 – surges forward with a swear and you feel your heart leap into your throat, terrified your friend has just gotten himself into a fight that he cannot possibly win, but then Young-il kicks him in the shin and 124 goes sprawling on his back.

When you’d asked yourself if someone would do something to stop those two, this isn’t what you’d had in mind. Young-il isn’t ancient or decrepit by any means and he clearly thinks he can handle himself, but these men are younger than he is. What if he gets–?

His fist smacks right into Thanos’ chest, doubling him over as Young-il takes the opportunity to loom over him instead. This will be it, you think, a surprisingly swift punch to the sternum and it’ll all be over. He’s already proven himself, already made a fool of both these players.

Thanos raises a hand quietly, begging for him to stop. Only he doesn’t. Your feet are already carrying you to the floor, your dinner abandoned as you watch Young-il grab his hand, twist, and use the momentum to slam the other man into the ground. For a moment, they’re both frozen like that, Young-il lowered onto one knee with his fist raised while the other chokes and squirms helplessly beneath him.

You’re no longer worried about the poor player that had started this whole fight, you’re worried about the man who had attacked him. He’s choking and Young-il won’t let go. You can see his entire body shaking, his face flushing as his mouth twitches, his fist rising higher. He’s gonna kill him instead.

“Young-il!”

There’s no way he can’t hear you, but you’re terrified that he’ll ignore you anyway. He wouldn’t kill this guy, would he? He doesn’t seem the type. But the grip he has on Thanos’ throat is too strong, too intentional, and you’re just about to rush in and pry him off the man when he finally lets up. The other player takes a deep gasp, hands clawing at his neck as he recovers the breath Young-il had squeezed out of him, and then the entire room is bursting with applause. For the life of you, you cannot fathom why.

How long have you known him now, a couple years? Never, not once, in all that time has he ever said or done a single thing to make you look at him as anything other than what he is – your friend, a lover of coffee and fine art, a dedicated businessman with a tragic past and a penchant for terrible jokes. He was and always has been Oh Young-il, nothing less and nothing more. But as he clambers to his feet, his head bowed bashfully as he accepts the praise offered to him, you find yourself wondering if there isn’t just a bit more to him than he’s let on.

And though you’d never admit it, you’re also a bit… flushed. Seeing him react so effortlessly, witnessing the strength you never knew he had – it’s stirred up a bit of warmth in the pit of your stomach. You don’t really want to consider what that says about you.

He returns to you some moments later with his eyes averted. There’s something lingering on his tongue, perhaps an explanation, but he seems hesitant to give it and you’re equally hesitant to ask for it. Still, you’d be a fool to overlook how deeply Thanos’ words had affected him.

“Are you alright?”

Young-il nods as he passes, taking your attention with him. “I’m not hurt,” he assures you. He’s moved to pick up your dinner tray, as well as his own, stacking them on top of each other in his hands.

You reach for your water bottle before trailing after him, following his path to the front of the room where the trash cans are. “That’s not what I mean.” He’d told you to lecture your own kids, you think, and you snapped. He became someone else entirely, someone you don’t recognize, and that worries you. It also eerily reminds you of someone.

If he intends to respond, he shows no sign of it. He makes light work of your trays, emptying them of any leftover food before handing them and the utensils over to the nearest guard, a Circle Mask manning what remains of the dinner station.

“Young-il-nim.” You try to catch his eye when he turns to you once more, but he’s remarkably evasive, which only serves to further unsettle you. “Are you going to ignore me, or…?”

And that, at last, is enough to grab his attention. His shoulders drop with the weight of his sigh. “What do you mean, [___]?” If you didn’t know any better, you’d actually think he was upset with you.

“I mean, you…” There’s a flash of fists in the back of your mind, of Thanos choking. “I’ve just never seen you do that before.”

He lifts an eyebrow, then, as his expressions shifts from irritation to derision. “Does it bother you?” he asks.

Is that what he thinks? That you’re bothered? “No. But I didn’t think you were going to stop and that worried me.” It’s more honest than you had intended to be and you feel stripped bare because of it, like Young-il can see right through you because of your vulnerability.

You wish you knew what he was thinking. While you’re at it, you wish understood your own thoughts just as much as you wish you could fathom his. This – beating a younger man to a pulp simply because you’d expressed concern over an unfair fight – feels like something you should’ve known about, though you can’t help feeling like that’s a pretty ridiculous expectation to have. When would it have been relevant to reveal his secret self-defense moves? And why? Is it even fair of you to feel wary of him when it was your instigation that had prompted him to act in the first place?

Something dark flickers in the very depths of his eyes, something you don’t understand, but it’s gone before you can linger on it. His attention settles just past your shoulder, in the direction you’d seen Gi-hun and Jung-bae go to pick at their meals, and then he looks to you once more. Whatever darkness you thought you’d seen is long gone.

“Why don’t you introduce me to your friend?”

Gi-hun and Jung-bae have settled in the far corner. You’d noticed earlier that some of the other players had gathered around them at one point, likely asking any number of questions now that they knew a previous winner had returned. They’ve even made a new friend, from what you can tell – a very expressive younger man with long hair, number 388 – though Gi-hun seems less enthused about the younger man’s presence than his friend does.

You have no reason to hesitate when it comes to introductions. Gi-hun is your friend as much as Young-il is, yet you still feel the pull of uncertainty in your gut at the idea. They’ve been separate for as long as you’ve known them. Young-il is more of a school friend than anything; the coffee dates (not that they’re dates because they’re not), your initial meeting, all of it had happened on campus. Gi-hun is your strangely wealthy friend who keeps to himself and lets you fire weapons in the depths of his abandoned motel. One of them is clearly more normal than the other. And only one of them has kissed you thus far, so there’s also that.

You try not to think about it. Every step you take brings you closer to Gi-hun, who has not pulled his eyes from you for more than a second, not since Young-il suggested the introduction. Every step brings both halves of your life closer and closer together, and you feel a bit nauseous because of it.

It’ll be fine. You don’t even have anything to worry about. It’s not like Young-il’s betrayed everything that Gi-hun stands for with a single vote. It’s not like Gi-hun still hasn’t addressed the fact that he kissed you last night and he’s about to meet the only other person in the world that you could possibly consider kissing after him. Not that you would.

Ah, shit. Here goes nothing.

If it’s shame that begs you not to lift your eyes in Gi-hun’s presence, then that’s something you’ll be keeping to yourself. “Young-il-nim, this is Jung-bae-nim and–”

“You said you've played these games before, sir.”

Your mouth is still hanging open, Gi-hun’s name still caught between your lips as Young-il quite literally talks over you. He’s never talked over you before, not ever. And neither does he stop. He waits only for Gi-hun’s acknowledgement – a hesitant inclination of his head – before finally continuing, and he doesn’t even spare you a second glance when he does.

“I pressed the O button because of you. Honestly, I was scared. I wanted to quit and leave. But you made me think maybe I could play just one more game.”

And you’re not offended in the least by his startling new rudeness. Not at all. Certainly not enough to snap your jaw shut with an audible click.

Jung-bae’s eyes suddenly alight with excitement. “Some of the other players said that!” He turns eagerly to his new friend with a grin, then nudges his elbow into Gi-hun’s ribs. “You see?”

Gi-hun is not amused and for once, you feel comforted by that. You don’t shrink when his gaze lingers on you, you return it confidently, if only because you’re less irritated with him than you are with Young-il. He braces his forearms atop his knees, his arms stretching out as he looks back and forth between you.

“If you had pressed the X,” he finally says, “everyone here would've made it out alive.”

Young-il hums lightly in response. “That's right. I was the last to press the O button,” and it’s remarkable, really, how unashamed he is to admit it. “But there were 182 more people who wanted to stay.”

“And there were also 182 people who wanted to leave. [___] included.”

Three sets of eyes settle upon you. Oh. You don’t like that. You don’t want to be brought into this discussion and you certainly don’t want Young-il to be looking at you like that, like he’s only just noticed you exist. You don’t like that everything you thought you knew has suddenly been flipped on its head, without rhyme or reason, and you don’t like that you’re left trying to fit the pieces back together entirely blind.

Gi-hun raises a brow. “You are friends, aren’t you?”

“We are.” He smiles and for the briefest moment, you feel like you’re watching a stranger rather than your coffee companion of two years. “But you’re a previous winner, Gi-hun-ssi. Why would you allow a friend to come here if it’s so dangerous?”

You don’t think much of him using Gi-hun’s name – why should you? But for Gi-hun, it seems to startle him. His eyes sharpen as they flicker across Young-il’s face, studying, searching, and then, “How did you know my name?”

You blink, pausing to look between the pair as you suddenly realize that you’re not sure you’ve ever explicitly used Gi-hun’s name before, not with him.

Young-il, to his credit, takes the inquiry in his stride. His smile falters for a moment as he tries to explain himself. “Oh, I… I heard [___] using it earlier, in line for dinner, and I thought I might try it.”

Did you? You can’t remember, though you aren’t sure that it really matters. You’ve loudly proclaimed Gi-hun’s name a handful of times since your reunion earlier today, so even if you hadn’t said it in line, it’s likely that Young-il noticed and made the connection himself. He’s always been perceptive like that.

Young-il leans in, his voice lowered and his face softened with an unspoken apology. “Does it bother you?” Just like he’d asked you only minutes prior.

A chill starts at the base of your spine. The air is thick with tension, both men gravitating toward one another as if there’s some grand competition going on that you’re entirely unaware of. You don’t like that either.

But before the tension can rise any higher, Jung-bae jumps in and attempts to diffuse the situation. His hands go fluttering about in the empty space between them, using some clever turn of phrase to smoothe out all the surface level ripples that have already transformed into waves rocking against your boat. A truce is formed, superficial at best, but it clears the air enough for you to breathe and for that, you’re grateful.

He keeps thinking about tomorrow. He keeps thinking about the sugary sweetness of dalgona on his tongue and the possibility of a pistol lodged against the base of his skull.

Gi-hun closes his eyes and takes a breath. It doesn’t change anything. The light from the pig lingers behind his eyelids as much as the thought of watching you bleed out and die does. The cool chill of a late night still clings to his bones, even among so many bodies. Or perhaps it’s Gi-hun who is cold. Perhaps he’s already dead and this is merely a delusion brought on by a half-sane mind in its final throes.

That would certainly be easier than the truth, wouldn’t it?

The stairs that lead to his bed creak beneath the weight of a foot, then another, and Gi-hun opens his eyes to see you standing close enough to touch. From this angle, the light doesn’t catch your face; you’re simply haloed, some bright and shining thing that he’s dragged with him into the pit of damnation.

“Hello.”

He hates that you sound so timid. You sound like the fragile student he once met in a snowy alley, not the passionate and bright-eyed person he knows you to be. But then, he supposes that it’s hard for you to find that spark he’s grown so accustomed to when you’re trying desperately to claw yourself out of a grave that is constantly demanding to swallow you whole. Unfortunately, he knows the feeling.

“Hello,” he replies. It feels forbidden to smile when he’s blockaded by memories and ghosts, but for you, Gi-hun finds that he can do all kinds of things. Even attempt a smile.

“Can I sit with you?”

Eyes darting first to the timer behind your head and then to the small stretch of open mattress by his feet, he nods haltingly, drawing his legs in so they’re folded atop on another. “Of course.”

There are no butterflies fluttering in his stomach when you sit on his bed. There’s no distant tremor in his hands or the drifting of his mind to far off places, imagining the sort of things he’d allowed himself only two nights ago. This isn’t the Pink Motel. He doesn’t know why he expects to feel the same stirrings in his gut that he usually does when he shares his space with you.

Then he remembers kissing you and he ducks his head in shame.

You take the far end of the mattress as expected, but it rather feels like you’ve placed yourself on the far end of a canyon. “I don’t want to talk,” you tell him, voice soft and uncertain. “I mean, you don’t have to if you don’t want to. I just… don’t want to be alone right now.” Your feet dangle listlessly over the edge of the bedframe. “I can’t sleep.”

Gi-hun recalls feeling the same way on his first night. So much of this is painfully familiar. He almost wonders if Sang-woo’s spirit is watching him now, studying him from somewhere among the beds or lurking in the Squid Game field. He keeps expecting to see him every time he turns a corner. What would he think of the man that he’s become? The mattress squeaks when you adjust your posture and Gi-hun suddenly finds it hard to breathe. What would Sang-woo think of you?

It doesn’t matter, he tells himself, so why does he care?

“I’m sorry.” Your apology draws him blinking from the recesses of his mind. “For everything. I know this isn’t what you wanted.”

Of course it isn’t, but why on Earth are you apologizing? “It isn’t your fault,” he starts.

“Maybe. But I still feel bad.”

Following the path of your attention leads him to a bed several paces away, closer to the main floor than his own bed. Your friend Young-il is settling in for the night, one of his legs drawn atop the mattress with the other hanging off as he contemplates something far beyond Gi-hun’s reach. And for the first time in months, probably since the night he followed your friend out of the university parking lot and all the way to his hotel, Gi-hun feels angry.

It’s a different kind of anger than the one he’d directed at you just today. That was an anger born of fear and helplessness and the realization that he’d put you in danger, born of his own guilt and his own affection for you. This? This is not that.

He’s not entirely sure what it is, but he knows that he feels it whenever you look at Young-il or Young-il looks at you. You have nothing to feel guilty for. You haven’t done anything wrong. It isn’t your fault that Young-il voted O and it isn’t your fault that you’re here, and he hates that you feel otherwise.

“You aren’t the one who should be apologizing.”

There’s more he could say, more that weighs on him, but he isn’t sure how to express it. He isn’t even sure if he should. What if he loses you tomorrow? And what if he doesn’t? What if the game isn’t dalgona? What if he’s the one who dies and you’re left alone with only Jung-bae and Young-il to protect you? A bitter piece of his heart flares up at the thought and he pretends not to think about what might happen if Young-il were to die instead because that’s not the kind of man he wants to be.

Instead, Gi-hun shifts around on the mattress until he’s mirroring your posture, his legs dangling over the side as he moves the pillow and blankets around. “Stay here tonight,” he says in response to your voiceless question.

Your eyes flash wide for a second. “With you?” And if he thinks that you sound either horrified or intrigued by the prospect, Gi-hun tells himself that it doesn’t matter either way.

“I’m not sleeping.” He’s going to be watching over you for as long as he can manage. It’ll be a good distraction and it will keep you safe, and he needs both right now more than he needs anything else. “It isn’t good for you to sleep alone here. And someone should keep watch.”

What little light is reflected in your eyes shimmers like water in a glass. “Watch for what?”

For the murderous bastards who like to take out their competition while they sleep, what else? But he doesn’t say that. He doesn’t want to scare you and he knows already that detailing the horrific possibilities of the Games right before you go to bed is a recipe for disaster.

“Sleep,” he insists. The bedding is nicely arranged now, as nice as he can make it for you, even though he wishes he could do more. What if you get cold in the middle of the night? What if you overheat in your jacket? Or you get thirsty? He can’t fix any of those problems. He can only give you his protection and pray that it’s enough.

Your protest is already half spoken by the time he’s drawing himself out of bed and prompting you into the space he’s just vacated. It takes some maneuvering and no small amount of whispered requests, far gentler than Gi-hun actually feels under the weight of his memories pressing in against his skull, but finally he manages to convince you to lay down. He tucks himself into the farthest corner of the bed, hoping that your legs have enough room, that you won’t mind him being so close for so long, and he watches the minutes on the display steadily count down.

There are less than ten minutes until lights out when Young-il decides to approach him. “Gi-hun-ssi,” he nods respectfully, his hands already pressing against his thighs as he takes the steps one at a time. His eyes wander over your sleeping figure and Gi-hun has to fight himself not to snap and make a fool out of himself simply because another man happened to look at you.

“Asleep,” he says, if only to fill the empty space with something other than his animosity.

Young-il nods in understanding. “I’ll be quiet, then.” A beat. “Could we talk?”

No. “Sure.”

The narrow space between rows of beds is taken up entirely by Young-il’s body. Perched upon the highest step, it places him at about eye level. Gi-hun’s not entirely sure he likes that. “I think I was out of line before,” Young-il finally sighs. “I'd like to apologize. I'm sorry.”

What he wants to do is tell your friend that he doesn’t care for, nor does he accept, his apology. What he wants to say is that he doesn’t like the way Young-il looks at you, all appraising eyes and quiet confidence, and he doesn’t like how Young-il has stolen almost all of your attention since the moment he appeared. He wants to say it all, but he doesn’t because his mother raised him better than that and Gi-hun has never been one to be purposefully rude except on very rare occasions.

This isn’t the time or place. So, he’s gracious. He bows respectfully to Young-il and allows the apology to settle in the space between them, even if the peace it offers is fraught. “No, I laid all the blame on you.” Even if I was right to do so. “I was out of line.”

And that, he hopes, will be the full extent of it – whatever it is. He’s not interested in having a full conversation with anyone right now, but even if he was, Young-il would be at the bottom of the list. He’s strange in a very off-putting way; quiet, observant, he makes you laugh sometimes, from what he can remember, and he’s able to fight off two younger men and make it look easy. That’s not normal. And then there’s the way that you had followed him during dinner like an alley cat chasing after scraps. You don’t do things like that.

“May I ask you something?”

It takes a minute, but Gi-hun eventually relents, inclining his head just slightly.

“Why did you come back to this place? You said you won and made it out.”

He swallows heavily. “I did.”

“Then why return? You got all the money, didn’t you? Did you spend it all?”

He spent some of it. He wanted so badly to let that money rot in the bank and to never touch a single won, but then Il-nam had happened. Then you had happened. Then so many things kept happening and he thinks that somewhere along the way, he lost sight of what he had set out to do. To remember, to protect.

“That money doesn't belong to me,” he mutters, and it’s like he’s back on the Squid Game field, watching the rain mix with the mud mix with the coppery tang of metal and blood. “It's blood money for the people who died here. The same goes for the money up there.”

“You don't have to think of it that way,” and where he expected to find judgement, he instead finds some gentle, understanding thing tucked behind the corners of Young-il’s words. “It's not like you killed those people and saving that money won't bring them back to life.”

Maybe it’s just the ghosts lingering in his head and his heart. Maybe he’s just a sentimental old fool, but there’s something about the way Young-il says it that reminds him of Sang-woo. He closes his eyes and wishes, probably for the millionth time, that he had been the one to die here three years ago, not Sang-woo. Not Ssangmun-dong’s golden child.

Young-il exhales through his nose, drawing Gi-hun’s attention and prompting him to open his eyes again. Where there had once been a glint of determination, now Gi-hun sees something far more vulnerable. It’s suspiciously disarming. “Not all of us have the luxury of mixing our morals with our money, Gi-hun-ssi. Some of us,” he says, and his voice begins to waver, “are forced to play the hand we’re dealt, blood money or not.”

Curiosity gets the better of him. “And what sort of hand were you dealt?” It isn’t asked unkindly. Gi-hun recognizes regret when he sees it and there’s no need for him to be cruel, but he does want to know.

Silence expands between them, permeating every atom of space until it’s so overwhelming Gi-hun thinks he might collapse beneath its weight.

Finally, Young-il speaks. “My wife.” And Gi-hun suddenly feels like he’s going to vomit. All this time, he’s been seething over a married man who happened to have befriended you. What kind of asshole is he?

“My wife was very sick. Acute cirrhosis, the doctors said, and she needed a liver transplant.” The slight waver in his voice becomes stronger, fluctuating as Young-il finds the strength to continue his explanation. The explanation Gi-hun demanded of him. Now he suddenly wishes he’d never opened his mouth to begin with. “When she was going through the tests, we found out she was pregnant. The doctor suggested a termination, but she wouldn’t listen. Said she'd give birth even if it killed her.”

Gi-hun realizes with a start what Young-il’s clenched jaw and sudden stillness means. He knows because he’s been there before, forced to pour his grief out to whichever person demands a little too forcefully to know what haunts him in the late hours of the night. God, he’s such a prick.

“I couldn’t save them,” he says, and his voice finally gives way. Unshed tears catch in the glow of the money pig and Gi-hun feels like he’s just had his throat torn out. “I need that money to pay off the debts. The hospital bills, the funerals – it costs something, Gi-hun-ssi. Perhaps it is blood money, but it’s still money.”

He can’t imagine. In some ways, he doesn’t have to. Ga-yeong is still alive and he stopped loving his wife a long time ago, but they’re no longer a part of his life. They may as well be dead to him – he knows he’s dead in their eyes anyway. Just another corpse slipping through the cracks of a broken world.

I’m so sorry. He doesn’t have to like Young-il to say it and mean it, but even still, the words stick in his throat. Just moments ago, he had imagined this man dead on his back, unable to touch you or taint you. He’d let his personal feelings get in the way of what really mattered. Young-il could pull a knife on him this very moment and it still wouldn’t justify anything that Gi-hun’s thinking or feeling about him, and he needs to remember that. He needs to remember what he’s here for.

He glances over at you, watching your face as you snore lightly. It’s a poor imitation of a similar situation that feels so far away now, it can only be a dream. The motel. His bed. You, safe and secure. His. That had never been the plan. But then again, he’d never had a plan when it came to you. For all the good it did you both.

He shouldn’t have kissed you. He wanted to, but he shouldn’t have done it in the first place. It should have stayed a secret desire known only to the depths of his shattered soul and the bullet he still deserves to bite. All it’s done is complicate matters. It’s made him twitchy and on-edge, made him grind his teeth down to the bone and search for enemies where there are none. It’s made him turn on a man who could very easily have been a friend if he weren’t so busy being blinded by his own desires.

“I’m sorry,” he says, and he’s relieved that the words finally come.

Young-il merely shakes his head. He’s probably heard the same turn of phrase too many times to count by now. “It’s forgiven.”

The timer overhead flashes a one minute reminder and just like that, the spell is broken. Reality comes crashing down upon shoulders. There’s an awkward exchange of glances and half-hearted smiles, murmured farewells, and then Gi-hun is left with his legs dangling off the side of his own bed and the sound of your steady breaths.

The lights click out.

Slowly, so as not to wake you, he leans his weight back against the bedframe and positions himself so he’s facing the wide-open stretch of floor in the center of the room. The X and O carved there are the only lights that still remain, casting his surroundings in faint shades of blue and red, so faint that he can hardly make anything out.

He sighs. It’s going to be a very long night.

In-ho watches the soldiers as they work. It’s strange to be here once more, to be a part of the Games after so long. When he had made the decision to enter, it had mostly been on a whim, an impulsive choice driven from the frantic desire to control, to break, to bend you, Gi-hun, and the Games to his will. He hadn’t stopped to consider all the additional benefits he might reap from this harvest.

Already, a ridge has formed between you and Gi-hun. Something changed in him last night, In-ho had seen the shift, though he still doesn’t know what to make of it. Gi-hun had allowed you to sleep in his bed – and how common a recurrence is that, exactly? – but has hardly spoken a word to you since. Every time you try to meet his eyes, he smiles faintly, nods, and withdraws into himself, and the pain of that dismissal is written all over your face.

That hadn’t been entirely intentional. It is beneficial, no matter how confounding, and he plans to utilize it as best he can because Thanos rattled him last night. That bratty remark about his children had sent him over the edge and it had only been the sound of your voice that was clear enough to cut through the maelstrom of his fury, to bring him back to himself. That had rattled him too and, much like the gallery, In-ho had handled it poorly. He was too short with you, too fixated on a philosophical spar at Gi-hun’s expense, and had unintentionally pushed you away as a result.

He needs to fix that. Curious how the opportunity presents itself almost immediately.

The arena is presented, the instructions are given, and the timer is set. Gi-hun is entirely unprepared.

“Aren't we playing the dalgona game?” demands another player – number 100, who In-ho is sure he saw lurking about and asking questions of Gi-hun over dinner yesterday. But what truly catches his attention is the mention of dalgona.

It takes everything he has within himself not to laugh. Had Gi-hun really expected all the games to be the same as before? While In-ho hadn’t anticipated that Gi-hun would be so keen to rejoin the Games, he and every other Front Man in the world prides himself on his ingenuity. It’s a part of the job description. VIPs aren’t interested in the same old tricks each year. It would be foolish – no, truly stupid – to assume that the Front Man would not alter the Games to discredit or disadvantage Gi-hun in his mission for vengeance.

“No,” Gi-hun finally says as he hangs his head, “it doesn't look like it.”

“What's the game then?”

Yes, Gi-hun, tell us what game should come next. Show us all how carefully thought through your plans are.

Dark eyes trembling with uncertainty flicker aimlessly across the stretch of dirt beneath their feet. “I'm not sure.”

So when Player 100 turns on Gi-hun and demands, “What? You said you’d done this before! Was that all bullshit?”, In-ho is not surprised. Players turning on one another is an inevitability that Gi-hun should have accounted for.

Still, his obvious discomfort and shame is another victory mark on the scoreboard In-ho hides at the back of his mind.

“I'm sorry,” he says, pleading for compassion from a man who has clearly never said a kind word to anyone in his life.

“Sorry won't cut it!”

Gi-hun is trembling now, his entire body flinching with every cruel word flung his way. He folds in on himself like a child folds under the weight of a parent’s belt, and In-ho watches. Will he not stand up for himself? Is he content enough in his self-loathing to take abuse from a man who would kill him in an instant if the opportunity arose?

“You talked like you knew everything! All these people believed your bullshit! What are you going to do, huh? Will you take responsibility?”

He thinks to insert himself into the fight, to diffuse the tension and endear himself further to Gi-hun and his cause, and perhaps even regain your trust in the process by defending the man you so clearly love. But for once in his life (or rather, for the second time), In-ho is too late.

“Excuse me, sir.” There is no feigned politeness in your voice, no deference to your elders in your words or tone. If anything, the tacked on ‘sir’ sounds more like a slap in the face than a term of respect. “Who the hell do you think you’re talking to?”

Player 100 blinks back his shock, tripping all over the practiced insults he is so eager to distribute. His face goes red and his mouth falls open, gaping like a fish, until he finally manages to compose himself a few moments later. “This has nothing to do with you.” He closes in on you then, and In-ho sees it before you do, all the rage that’s beginning to boil over, the quivering fists and bared teeth, and he feels the shock of it in his stomach.

“Then it has nothing to do with you either,” you retort, and you go so far as to take a step closer to the man. Are you insane? “You don’t get to talk to him like that.”

It isn’t instinct that drives him to press his chest into your back. It isn’t instinct that pushes him to glare a pseudo-bullet hole into 100’s head. It is simply the movement of a chess piece across the board. “That's enough,” he utters, and the word is final.

And he expects to be rewarded for it. It was a calculated move, intentional and deliberate down to the weight of his body against yours and the timbre of his voice. That’s why he feels so unmoored when, rather than turning to thank him, you immediately rush to Gi-hun’s side. That’s why he’s left blinking at the empty space you’ve left behind and wondering what crucial part of his plan he’d missed. There is no other reason for the taste of bile in his throat or the slamming of his heart against his ribcage. None.

He takes no pleasure in your rejection, either. That’s what he chooses to believe. When Gi-hun accepts your comfort for a few treasured moments only to then pull away when he’s had his fill, to not allow you to dote on him, your reaction is so immediate and so blatant that the entire group can see it. Jung-bae and Dae-ho at least have the courtesy to look away and offer you a second of privacy; In-ho does not.

You chose this and he wants you to know that he knows. He does not look away when your eyes land on him. He does not soften his gaze. Rather, he tilts his head as if to say, I stood up for you. What has Gi-hun done?

The next ten minutes are unbearably awkward. The five of you already constitute a team, so no need to search for any further additions. Dae-ho officially introduces himself, only to immediately stick his foot in his mouth by inquiring exactly how everyone knows each other. Your eyes land on In-ho, then slide over to Gi-hun, and none of them answers. If he were watching this from the observation deck, it might almost be humorous, but he’s not and it isn’t. In truth, it’s painful.

Jung-bae is in the middle of a remarkably boring re-enactment of the time he and Gi-hun had gone out for soju as teens when another player approaches. In-ho has never been so relieved by a distraction in all his life.

“Excuse me,” she says sweetly, “can I join you?”

Jung-bae already seems displeased by having his story interrupted, but he softens his frustration for the girl’s sake. “Sorry, we’ve already got five people.”

“Please.” She takes a step closer, pushing herself slightly into the loose arc the five of them have formed, and takes a turn looking at each person. There’s something about her that gives In-ho pause, something he can’t put his finger on. “Help me. I’m pregnant.”

The girl rests her hand on her stomach, just over the little swell of life below her ribcage, and for a moment In-ho is very far away. He sees the hospital bed, the IVs and faded scars of needle pricks along Min-jung’s arm, he sees her sallow face, and he feels the same blinding needing to protect, defend, defy. To save. It passes quickly enough, but leaves him off-centered and irritable. Vulnerable.

He casts his eyes to Gi-hun first, curious to see just how the mighty hero of the Games plans to handle the situation. He flounders, of course, and In-ho isn’t surprised. Jung-bae is the one to break the news, apologetic and kind, but with the weight of the world on his shoulders because they all know they’ve created a decent team. They all know what it means to turn her away. That’s why it surprises him when yours is the voice that rises in response.

“I can… I can find another team.”

He and Gi-hun both share the same exclamation. “What?”

Your face practically folds in on itself with the force of your emotions. You don’t hide your compassion very well, but neither do you hide your fear – you’re uneasy about leaving the security your team offers you, however false it may be, but you’re equally uneasy about putting a pregnant woman at risk. And while he would never admit it aloud, In-ho finds himself sympathetic to your predicament.

Gi-hun’s mouth is pressed into a thin line, his frustration written into every crease and dimple in his skin. “It’s safest for you to be with us,” he asserts, reluctantly.

“But Gi-hun-a, she’s pregnant!” As if Jung-bae hadn’t already elected to turn the girl away.

He looks to Gi-hun once more, studying, noting every twitching tendon and flicker of regret that cuts across his face. What will you choose, Seong Gi-hun? Which horse is most likely to win the race?

“It’s alright,” says the girl with her soft doe eyes and pregnant belly. In-ho does not see his wife in her. He doesn’t. “I’m sure I can find another group.”

“No!” you exclaim, scrambling forward to take her hand in both of yours. Then your voice drops, it softens and shakes with the certainty of your sacrifice. “No, you should stay with them. They’ll keep you safe.”

You guide her to stand in the perfectly sized space between himself and Gi-hun, your brows now furrowed as you seem to be searching inside yourself for something. Then your chin tilts up and your gaze lands on Gi-hun. Several seconds tick by as you survey his face, so raw and exposed in a way In-ho isn’t sure he’s ever seen on you before.

The cold slice of bitterness cuts across his lungs at the sight. What can Gi-hun do to save you beyond sacrificing someone from his own carefully constructed team? You should be looking at him like that. He is the only one here with the power to save your life, the only one who might possibly be swayed by your fear and desperation.

“Gi-hun-a.”

And something deep within In-ho’s stomach twists in delight. He knows better than to raise his expectations after the countless hundreds he has seen fight and die in this very room, but logic cannot always outweigh intrigue, not for him.

Jung-bae leans forward, casting his old friend a smile. Sweat is already beading along his hairline. “Let them both stay, Gi-hun-a. I’ll go find another team.”

That something in his stomach lifts higher until it’s crackling like a firework behind his ribcage. Another gamble. The stakes are higher, but so is the reward. The question is whether or not Gi-hun still feels inclined to betting on horses the way he once did. In-ho already knows the answer, but it’s Gi-hun’s self-realization he wants to see, the inward understanding and acceptance that In-ho found for himself years ago. Which of your pawns will you sacrifice first, and which of them will come back when the clock runs out? Who deserves to live, Gi-hun? And who deserves to die?

It is Jung-bae who makes the decision in the end, and the loss of Gi-hun’s conflict is admittedly disappointing, but the Game hasn’t started yet. There is still victory to be found and In-ho will find it. The Front Man always does.

Ddakji. Biseokchigi. Gonggi. Spinning top. Jegi.

You’ve never played a single one. There are games that are similar enough in your home country, but the rules or the materials are slightly different. Different enough that you don’t have nearly as much confidence in your ability to successfully play any of these games as you wish you did.

Ddakji is a blatant no. Even though you’d managed well enough against that businesswoman all that time ago, it still feels wrong to play. You promised Gi-hun you never would again and that suits you just fine. The pregnant girl, Jun-hee, takes it, much to your relief.

Gonggi goes to the boisterous gentleman, Dae-ho. He says he grew up playing it with his sisters and seems confident in his skills, which is more experience than the rest of you have put together.

“That leaves biseokchigi, spinning top, and jegi.” Gi-hun looks to you. “Which do you think you’d be better at?”

You try very hard not to look as deeply panicked as you feel. “Which one’s the easiest?” It’s not a question that inspires very much confidence, you know that, but in truth you’re not sure you’d be very good at any of them.

Young-il and Gi-hun share a rather pointed look, which doesn’t help your confidence in the slightest. Defeat already feels imminent. You should’ve picked another team, at least that way your friends would be more likely to survive. Jun-hee and her baby, too.

“Don’t say that,” Young-il chides when you find yourself admitting as much. He rests a gentle hand upon your shoulder. “We’re a team, [___]. We’ll work together.”

“That’s right,” Gi-hun nods. “Why don’t you watch the first round and see how they’re played? You can decide which one is best for you.”

And it would have been such a brilliant idea if the first team to go hadn’t been brutally slaughtered. And the second team too. How are you meant to have any faith in yourself when the Korean-born players ahead of you keep getting themselves shot because they can’t throw a damn rock? You haven’t even had a chance to see jegi played yet because no one has made it that far.

“Don’t panic.�� But no amount of kind and quiet compassion from Gi-hun, or even Young-il, is enough to calm your nerves. “[___]. [___], look at me. Look.”

You hesitantly lift your eyes to meet his. For a moment, all you can see are the bodies dropping to the floor behind him, the blood, you can hear the screaming and the gunfire. But then he reaches for your hands and holds them tightly.

“Think back to when you were a child. What kinds of games did you play? What were you good at?”

You try very hard to do as he asks. At the very least, it’s a distraction from the death that looms all around you. Searching your memories doesn’t offer as much hope as you would’ve liked – nights spent playing board games or reading, or the few activities you were decent at when you would go to recess. There’s not much that transfers over. Until, quite suddenly, you remember something.

“I used to skip rocks,” you tell him, a smile finally winning over the despair that’s been clinging to you like a second skin. “At the lake. I was good at it, too. That’s close enough to biseokchigi, isn’t it?” Just by watching the other players, the actions look comparable enough. It takes a certain amount of precision to make a rock skip smoothly over the water, as it takes a certain amount of precision to hit a target.

Gi-hun nods amicably. “Good. That’s good.” He squeezes your hands one last time before finally releasing them and you miss his touch immediately. He keeps you grounded whenever he’s near. “Young-il-ssi. Which one are you better at – jegi or spinning top?”

“I’ll take whichever you pick for me, Gi-hun-ssi.” There’s a softness to his voice, something that you wouldn’t have expected to hear in the midst of all this bloodshed. But Young-il continues to surprise you, as he has since you met him.

Gi-hun seems as surprised by Young-il’s deferment as you are, though he doesn’t speak on it. You can see him trying to work it out in his head before finally giving up. “Then… I’ll take jegi.”

The decisions are made just in time for the next round of teams to start playing. You can’t make out the team on the opposite end of the room, but you recognize one of the players on your side – Hyun-ju. She’s teamed up with several others you haven’t spoken to yet, but the mother player and her son are with her. That’s good. They all seem to have a good head on their shoulders and while you aren’t happy that Hyun-ju voted O, you don’t want her to die either. You end up rooting for her louder than any of the others on her team.

It's a close call. The woman playing spinning top makes several mistakes when it’s her turn and it very nearly costs the entire team their lives. There are several stretches of awful, agonizing seconds where you forget to breathe. So many people have already died today. You don’t want Hyun-ju to die, you don’t want her team to die. You want to believe there’s even the slightest glimmer of hope for the rest of you.

They make it to jegi. Everyone turns around. There are only seconds left on the clock. You can’t look. You can’t bear to watch their bodies get riddled with bullets. Everyone around you is shouting and jumping, and then the clock runs out and there’s no gunfire, no bullets, no blood sprayed across the rainbow track.

You open your eyes to see one of the soldiers unlocking the restraints on Hyun-ju’s ankle. And then you feel Dae-ho jerking you by the shoulder and spinning you around so he can hug you. They’re alive. Jun-hee looks up at you with the truest smile you’ve seen on her yet. You don’t realize until your eyes start to sting that you’re crying.

They’re alive. There’s hope!

Things don’t seem so bleak after that. More players die, yes, but more players survive too. You have to keep your chin up so you don’t fall back into your despair. Despair won’t keep you alive. You and Dae-ho huddle together at one point so he can practice his gonggi skills. Jun-hee sits quietly beside you both with a hand on her stomach, content to watch you both. You try to strike up a casual conversation with them, something to draw your minds away from the dwindling player numbers, but your heart isn’t really in it. Neither is theirs. You’re all too preoccupied to care that much.

When he takes a moment to think on it, In-ho is genuinely surprised to realize that he’s enjoying himself. When another team wins, the celebration is contagious. More than once has he found himself grasping at Gi-hun’s shoulder, his mouth cracked open to laugh and shout, his heart pounding with the joy of community and the relief of hope.

Hope.

He sees it on your face as clear as day. As often as he has found himself cheering and clinging to Gi-hun, he has felt you do the same to him. Both of them, in fact. Your smile has seared itself into his brain, your hands have clutched at his jacket and Gi-hun’s shoulder, and In-ho has found himself truly lost to the rush of it all.

The Games hadn’t been like this when he had been the victor. There was no camaraderie in the arenas he’d spilled blood in. Hope was a fleeting thing for him even then. He’s amazed at just how much can change in the span of a few years, aided by the illusion of friendship.

Jung-bae’s voice calls across the courtyard, then, drawing the entire team’s attention. “Hey!” He lifts his arm high in the air as one of the soldiers latches his ankle in place. “We'll see you again at the finish line!”

In-ho very highly doubts that.

“Yes!” cries Dae-ho, a bit too loudly for his tastes. It makes his ear ring. “We'll see each other again!”

“Gi-hun-a!”

In-ho can feel Gi-hun’s body go tense against his, his shoulders suddenly rigid as he smiles bittersweetly at his friend. In-ho already knows what he’s thinking; likely, it’s the very thought he’d had when faced with the possibility of being separated from you – that he can’t control the outcome of the game if you’re out of his reach.

For the sake of the game, though, he pretends to care. “I believe in our team,” he says as Dae-ho loops one arm in his and Gi-hun does the same with the other. He smiles. “Both our teams. Plus, we have the previous winner with us.”

Suddenly, you lean forward and gesture frantically to get his and Gi-hun’s attention. “Let’s not rush ourselves, okay? If we try walking too fast, we’ll trip and fall and that’ll waste time. Yeah?”

In-ho finds himself nodding. He finds that his smile is a touch more genuine. “Good plan,” he nods, and Gi-hun is quick to agree.

One of the soldiers raises their pistol in the air. In-ho’s heart gets caught somewhere between his stomach and his shoes.

Bang!

Ddakji comes first. The girl gets it on her first try and he’s elated. He swallows up the rush of adrenaline that her success brings and goes blindly chasing for more, his vision tunneling around  the stone you’re meant to throw.

“Take your time.” He doesn’t mean to say it, doesn’t plan or rehearse it, it just comes out of him as naturally as anything else might.

Dae-ho nods eagerly beside you. He’s wringing his hands as he tilts out of your way, pressing his shoulder against In-ho’s. (Strangely, he finds he doesn’t mind it.) “Yes! Deep breaths, [___]! You’ve got this!”

But you’re already waving your free hand in his direction. “Ah, quiet, quiet! Let me think!”

The arena falls quiet save for the thundering of In-ho’s pulse and the steady, measured pace of your exhalations. You lower yourself into a partial crouch, feet wide, elbow out, and your lips parted. One second ticks by. Then another. Your shoulders rise and fall with another deep breath and then–

The intercom blazes to life. “Fail.”

Shit.

“It’s okay, it’s okay! We still have time!” Gi-hun exclaims. He’s pointing wildly at the clock and In-ho is grateful for it because it reminds him of where he is, who he is. Not even a full minute has passed yet. Everything’s going to be fine.

It takes about fifteen seconds to retrieve the stone and march back to the starting point. One minute gone, four minutes to go. He might be a bit nervous, but he isn’t truly worried. A lot can happen in four minutes. And besides, he gets a rare chance to study you now. Watching you calculate your next move, cataloging the distance between yourself and the target stone, hefting the weight of the other rock in your hand as you think – it’s exhilarating.

You’re about to throw again when his eyes drop and he practically lurches forward, almost pulling everyone off balance so he can swing his arm out in front of you. “[___], your feet!”

You were standing directly on the line. It would have disqualified your throw and wasted even more time. Self-preservation. Survival instinct. That’s all it is. So why does he get such a buzz from wondering what might have happened if he hadn’t said anything at all? How your face might have contorted when you suddenly realized you’d doomed your entire team?

He loses the opportunity to know for sure when both stones go tumbling top over bottom and the soldier for this station raises their arms overhead. “Pass.” Even so, he cheers just as emphatically as everyone else.

They march steadily on. The entire team drops into a crouch. You and the pregnant girl lean into one another and In-ho does the same on Dae-ho’s other side. His knee knocks against Gi-hun’s and rather than pull away, he embraces it. Camaraderie. Fellowship. Hope. It’s as thrilling to embrace them once more as it is to level a semiautomatic at a traitor’s head and squeeze the trigger.

Dae-ho rubs his hands together. His fingers are deft, his body light, and in seconds – seconds – he’s flawlessly performed each round of gonggi and elevated them to the next part of the challenge. In-ho cheers for that too, and it’s the truest thrill he’s felt in years.

Spirits are high as they round the track. He can hear you and Gi-hun chanting in time, can hear Dae-ho’s excitable mutterings. He can even feel himself smiling again. Apart from your initial slip-up, things are going perfectly and there’s still almost three minutes left on the clock. It’s just such a shame that the VIPs crave a bit of excitement, isn’t it?

The twine is slick with blood and sweat when he picks it up. The top itself is slightly dented along the edge and its lower point dulled after too many landings, but it’s still useable. He had ensured as much himself just last night, but the others don’t know that. As far as any of them know, Young-il could be horrific at spinning top. Young-il could be the one to get them all killed.

He transfers the top into his non-dominant hand and with a flick of his wrist, the top goes sprawling onto its side.

Gi-hun squeezes his arm amicably. “It’s alright. We still have time, Young-il-ssi. Everyone! One, two, one, two, one–”

He restrings the top, stopping only to spare the timer a glance. Nearing the two minute mark, which means he has enough time for one more delay, maybe two if he’s fast enough. He pushes Gi-hun out of the way – rather nicely, actually, all things considered – and positions himself accordingly. He doesn’t even mean to toss it backwards like that.

“Shit, I’m sorry–”

“Ah, it’s okay,” Gi-hun mutters, even though it’s not, even though his voice is wracked with tremors.

He smiles when he hears your voice, how you’re trying to offer him a bit of encouragement but it falls flat because you don’t think he can do it. Because you’re afraid. Because you believe more in Gi-hun than you do in him.

That’s alright, he thinks. Assuming he doesn’t get you killed in the next two minutes – and he knows he won’t because he’s planned for that too – he’ll be able to teach you a decent lesson in patience and faith.

A minute thirty. He has time enough.

In-ho blinks dejectedly at the top in his hands. His heart is caught in his throat. Even when he screams, even when he slaps himself so hard that it makes his ears ring, it sits there like a lump of food that refuses to go down. And he chases that feeling too, allows the dread to settle in his stomach and run cold through his veins.

“You goddamn idiot! You fucking idiot! What’s wrong with you, huh?”

Voices are clamoring over one another. Hands are scrambling and bodies are leaning away. The timer ticks down another few seconds and In-ho fights the urge to smile because there you are. Eyes wider than ever before, your mouth and brows puckered with concern as you reach across Dae-ho’s body and try to soothe him. Gi-hun beats you to it, of course, but he gets what he wants in the end.

“Pass.”

He’s never found jegi nearly as interesting before as he does now. He doesn’t know where to look. He wants to capture it all, every fleeting micro expression and frantic breath, every tense muscle and colorful swing of the jegi. The last non-adrenalined, partially composed piece of his brain that still functions notes the idea of rewatching the game footage once he returns to his apartment. And then he’s not really thinking of anything logical or composed at all because he’s shooting his foot out to save the day, to save his own life (he doesn’t need to), your life (he doesn’t need to), to save Gi-hun, Dae-ho, and the pregnant girl’s lives (he doesn’t need to, but he does it anyway).

“Pass.”

The finish line comes into sight, a pink band that breaks across his chest. How strange to think that such an insignificant thing can make the difference between life and death. How strange to find himself crying out in the embrace of a friend and finally, finally, feeling alive.

And then he sees that flash of pink in the distance. Guns raised, legs stanced. He meets Park Jung-bae’s eyes for a fleeting moment before the gunfire starts, and then the only thing he can hear is Gi-hun’s throat ripped raw from the force of his own grief.

[synnamon-hearts]

𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭

Obsessive!Josh Washington for @brwnbnny ♡ (it turned stalker-ish towards the end and Idk how 😂)

NSFW down below!

𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭

Imagine Josh is on his way to the store to grab party supplies one day and he sees you, sitting on a part bench drinking a coffee. Something in his brain switches, the switch that turns on "obsessive" mode in our sweet boy. Suddenly he is sidetracked, and finds his feet no loner moving to the door of the store but to you.

"Hey, sweetheart. Got any plans tonight? I was wondering if you would be down to come to a part at my place tonight. It's gonna be a banger."

He tries his best to be as smooth as possible, letting that monotonous voice dip just a little lower to set the mood and lure you into him. He would be lying if he was somewhat surprised to hear you agree though. Once you did, he gives you the details and rushes off to the store to buy everything he could to make it spectacular. His mission is no longer just to make a bitchin' party for his friends, but to find all the best ways to make you fall for him.

The party is a success, and you find yourself really enjoying your time with Josh. He doesn't come on strong right away. Oh no, he is smart and strategic. He wants you to feel comfortable with him before he does anything because he knows chicks dig that best. (I'm taking this from how he talks to Chris about Ashley in the start of chapter 2)

Though after the party, Josh finds himself unable to stop thinking of ways to get you into him. Hell, he can't stop thinking about you at all! He finds himself constantly checking his phone to see if you've posted on any of your socials (some you gave him, some he just found cuz he's a stalking little shit), he's always got his phone nearby in case you message, he even drives by your place sometimes to see if you are home.

It doesn't take Josh long to realize that he has a problem. You're like a drug to him, though you give him a high like noting else. He dreams of you every night, dreams of touching you and kissing you. Sometimes he wakes up in sticky sheets just because he wants you so badly. :(

You didn't even notice when he stole some of your panties from your drawer when he visited you one time. Oh, he said he had to go to the bathroom? Well, he did... But he made a slight detour to your room first. Then he went to the bathroom to jerk himself off into a wad of your panties, imagining just how cute you look in them as he did it.

Oh poor oblivious you, thinking Joshua Washington is such a sweet and pure guy. Sometimes he feels bad for the things he thinks of... Or the things he does. It's not like he would ever bring harm to you. You're too precious to him. It's just that there is something about you that brings out that obsessive nature in him, that has him coming back for more each time. He can't help it. And he doesn't want to...

𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭

[no2ticonderoga]

So, you make New Year's resolutions and say this year, I finish XYZ. Then, like two weeks later, you get a new idea and it completely derails you.

I don't know what if anything I'm going to do with this new brain worm that I've developed, so, in the spirit of sharing new AUs that seems to be going around, I'm going to inflict this on share this with you.

--

1943

“C’mon!” Piper pulled at Annabeth’s arm. “Let’s go!”

Annabeth sighed and let herself be dragged across the street toward the cacophony of the USO dance hall. Swing music blared out the doors, audible over the roar of the packed crowd. 

“Piper!” Annabeth complained. Damn these shoes…she thought. She’d never liked this particular pair of heels but Piper had insisted because they matched her blue dress. “Slow down, I’m going to…” She tripped. “Oh sh…” She fell directly into something tall, and blue with gold buttons. “Oof!”

“Well, that wasn’t very lady-like,” a laughing voice said. “Are you all right, Miss?” 

Annabeth looked up at her erstwhile rescuer, his mouth quirked up at the corners, and green eyes sparkling, black hair falling over his forehead in a way that was barely regulation. “I’m sorry,” she said automatically.

“No, it’s fine,” he said. “I’m not used to women throwing themselves at me though.”

Piper backtracked to her. “Are you okay?” she asked.

“Fine,” Annabeth replied, absently, staring at the stranger. A navy officer…an ensign, according to his insignia. His hat was askew, probably knocked that way when she crashed into him. He didn’t look much older than she was. He was handsome, and he was staring at her oddly, and Annabeth blushed. 

Piper glanced between them. “Hi!” she said brightly. “I’m Piper, this is Annabeth,” she said. 

The ensign gave her a quick grin before returning his eyes to Annabeth. “A pleasure to meet you, Miss…?” he held out his hand. 

“Chase,” She said. “But, yes, I’m Annabeth.”

“I’m pleased to meet you, Annabeth Chase,” he said, taking her hand. “I’m Percy Jackson.”

“Nice to meet you,” Annabeth replied.

“Great!” Piper said brightly. “I’ll just leave you two then! Annabeth, don’t stay out all night!” Piper declared.

“Piper!” Annabeth protested, the spell broken at the realization that her friend was ruthlessly abandoning her. “What, no, wait!” But all Annabeth saw was the swirl of Piper’s retreating white and pink polka dotted party dress as she disappeared into the mob around the entrance. She turned helplessly back to Percy.

He was watching her, a faint smile on his face, but his eyes were laughing. “So, are you free this evening, Miss Annabeth Chase?” he asked. 

“I…uh,” she said. “I guess so,” she said, suddenly feeling very exposed. She felt her cheeks warm, and she broke the eye contact, ducking her head and tucking a stray curl behind her ear. 

“Well, are you really here for the dancing, or would you care to accompany me on a whirlwind tour of my favorite places in New York before I leave tomorrow?” he asked.

She looked up. “You’re leaving tomorrow?” 

“I’m afraid so,” he said. “Can’t say where, of course,” he added. “Mum’s the word and all that. But I’ve just realized that I’d much rather visit my city instead of try and squeeze myself into that mob.” He gestured to the dance hall, and then offered her his arm.

“I…” she took his arm automatically. “I don’t think I can walk all over the city in these shoes,” she said.

“Well, we’ll have to fix that,” Percy said, as he led her away from the Dance Hall.”

The next thing Annabeth knew, Percy was leading her through Macy’s to women’s shoes. 

“I don’t have money to buy shoes,” Annabeth protested.

“Don’t worry about it,” Percy assured her. “I’ve got it. I’m not going to need much cash where I’m headed.” 

“But!”

“Just trust me,” Percy said with a smile. 

“What do I do with these?” she asked, gesturing at her heels.

“I’ll carry them,” Percy offered. “I don’t mind.”

“You can’t carry them all night!” she protested.

“Then we’ll find a bus station locker and tuck them away safely,” he shrugged. “They’ll be fine.” 

Annabeth felt like she was losing control as Percy directed her to find a pair of low walking shoes, and then paid the tab. “So,” he said as they hit the street again. “Where to first?”

“Isn’t this your night?” she asked. 

“I’ve lived here all my life,” he said. “You don’t sound like you’re from around here, so you tell me, what haven’t you seen yet?” 

“I’m from Boston,” Annabeth said. “But I’ve been here three years…you could still tell?” she asked, they turned down the street.

“I can always tell,” he said, a bit smugly. “How about we start with some cheesecake from Lindy’s, and we can talk about our plan while we eat?”

And talk they did…over the cheesecake. While they strolled through Central Park. When they went to the Battery to look out at Lady Liberty, still just visible in the twilight of the evening. They talked, and they laughed, and throughout the night Annabeth found herself pressing closer and closer to him as they strolled…first arm in arm, but as the evening went on, with his arm around her shoulders. 

She felt like she was in some kind of mad dream. She had to keep reminding herself that this was it.This was all it could be. He was leaving tomorrow for who knew what. 

She told him about her studies at school, and her life in the dorms with Piper. She even shared her dream of finishing her degree (“Oh, a wise girl, I see”) and getting a job as an architect. He told her about growing up in the city, and his love of the sea, which led him to join the Navy. 

“So what do you do in the navy?” she asked, as they walked close together along Fifth Avenue. 

“I’m in minesweeping,” he said, a note of pride in his voice.

Annabeth felt herself give a shiver and was suddenly irrationally scared for him. “Isn’t that really, really dangerous?” she asked.

She felt his shrug. “It’s a job,” he said. “Volunteers only, you know.”

“You volunteered for it?” she said. “You must have seaweed for brains.” 

He laughed. “Maybe I do. But it’s a job that needs doing.”

“I hope you don’t get yourself blown up,” she commented. 

He glanced down at her. “You sound worried.”

“Well, I mean,” Annabeth replied, getting a little flustered. “I just…you…” she spluttered.

“It’s okay Wise Girl, I know your secret. I’ve got one too, so it’s all even stevens,” he said. 

“What secret is that?” she asked, her heart hammering.

“I think I’ll tell you later. How’d you like to go up to the top of the Empire State Building with me? The observation deck should still be open, and I want to see the skyline, one more time.”

“Isn’t it getting late?” she asked. She wasn’t wearing her watch with her party dress. 

“Just before 11,” he replied. “I have to be back by midnight.”

“Me too,” she said. “We have a dorm curfew.” 

“Then we’d better hurry,” he replied. 

They made it there just after 11. It was busy, with lots of servicemen and their girls. Annabeth felt very odd and strange, and out of place. Was this really happening to her? 

They stood and looked down Manhattan toward the harbor. Here and there a light blinked despite the blackout…a door opening on a ship, a porthole briefly open. One of those ships would take Percy away tomorrow. She was standing in front of him, his hands were resting lightly on her hips as they looked out over the dim city. New York didn’t have a true blackout…but the lights were dimmed on all the streets, and no lights were permitted in the upper stories, to prevent the city from silhouetting ships in the harbor. 

“So,” Percy said his voice right next to her ear. “I suppose I should have asked earlier. But is there anyone in your life?” 

“Like…a man?” she replied, voice shaking a bit.

“Yeah, like a man,” he said.

“N..No,” she answered. “I’ve never…I mean…I’m not.” She was starting to babble.

“Shhh,” Percy soothed her. “It’s okay.”

Annabeth had never felt anything like the way she felt. Her stomach felt like it was doing continuous somersaults, and her legs were like jelly. This couldn’t be happening to her. Not like this. But she had to face it. “What…what about you?” she bravely asked in return.

“Nah,” he said. “Never any time.” 

“Oh,” she said in a small voice. 

They were silent another moment. “So what was that secret you think I have?” Annabeth said finally.

“Oh, that?” Percy chuckled. “That’s easy.” He leaned down and whispered in her ear. “You like me.”

She turned in his arms and was facing him. “I do?” she asked, trying for challenging, but her heart was hammering so hard, she was sure it came out more like a plea. 

“Yeah, Wise Girl. But that’s okay,” he said, and he reached a hand up to brush her cheek. She felt her pulse jump in her throat as he did so. “Because I like you too.”

And then he leaned in and kissed her. Annabeth had never been kissed before, and she was absolutely lost in the taste of his lips, the smell of his aftershave, the sharp smell of his freshly issued uniform jacket. She put her arms around his neck, and his hands tightened on her waist, drawing her closer to him. 

Annabeth couldn’t have told anyone how long they stood there, wrapped in each other’s arms, but she knew she was breathless when they broke apart. 

“Wow,” Percy breathed, eyes wide, looking as shocked as she felt. 

It made Annabeth laugh a little, tension flowing out of her. Some part of her had worried that she was being played by some kind of Don Juan, an experienced seducer. But the wildness around his eyes couldn’t be faked.  “Wow,” she agreed.

“Annabeth, I…” Percy licked his lips. “Can I write to you?” 

“Yes,” Annabeth said. “I would love that.”

“I’ll write you once I get where I’m going,” he promised. “So you can write back.” 

“Okay,” she breathed, and then she kissed him again.

Eventually, they had to go…Percy insisted on walking her back to her dorm, even though his consequences for being late were bound to be worse than his own. 

Annabeth felt tears pricking her eyes as she kissed him one last time on the sidewalk. “Goodbye, Percy,” she said, when they broke apart. 

“See you soon, Wise Girl,” Percy said, reluctantly releasing her hand. 

“Stay safe, Seaweed Brain,” she told him. 

He gave her that lopsided grin that made her heart flip. “I’ll be fine. You wait here, I’ll be back before you know it.”

“I’ll hold you to that.”

“It’s a deal,” he said. 

He turned and started down the street. Annabeth stood on the steps of the dormitory and watched him go. He turned the corner.

It was the last time she saw him.

[onriyuview]

warm

genre: fluff (if you squint), smut (18+, mdni)

wc: 1,031

summary: soft bf!yushi headcanons, he's just the sweetest boy ever and so easy to love. he's also a tease and a little insane in bed.

cw: starts off very fluffy, established relationship, switch (sub lean)!yushi, yushi’s a giver and a tease, mentions of overstimulation, fingering, oral (f rec), unprotected pinv sex (wrap it up pls), creampie, cum eating, pet names (baby).

a/n: for all my yushi yearners, y'all are just like me fr. yushi's been on my brain for so long i don't remember life without him... he's just sooo my baby i adore him.

soft bf!yushi who loves lazing around with you in bed on his days off, either cuddling and watching something on tv or getting competitive and playing games on his switch. he would let you win in mario kart, whether intentional on his part or not.

soft bf!yushi who enjoys finding new restaurants and trying new foods with you. even if you’re skeptical, you can’t say no to when he invites you to join him. “even sakuya said this place was good, and he’s a picky eater, so now you have to go with me!”

soft bf!yushi who quietly reassures you and makes sure you never question his love for you. he’s not necessarily loud about your relationship as he likes to keep it private (but not secret), but you’d almost never have a doubt about his feelings.

soft bf!yushi who buys you matching jewelry— a subtle way to represent your relationship and remind you of his love, especially when he’s away for work.

from rings to necklaces to bracelets (adding a charm with each city he visits), he’d buy you anything you want. spoiling you is just another way he shows his appreciation for you.

soft bf!yushi who still gets shy from your kisses even half a year into your relationship. especially if they come unexpectedly, his ears are turning red before you can even blink and he’s burying his face into your neck, tickling your skin with his soft giggles.

soft bf!yushi who secretly enjoys teasing you and poking fun at you. your reactions are so cute, how could he not? he doesn’t do it often as he doesn’t want you upset with him, but when he’s in a teasing mood, you’re often the victim of it.

soft bf!yushi who’s so gentle and kind with you, both outside and inside of bedroom. he won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to, but he finds it really attractive when you know what you want.

outside of the bedroom, he doesn’t exactly assert much dominance in your relationship, but rather prefers you to lead. though he doesn’t mind taking over when you don’t want to think for yourself.

in the bedroom, though, he’ll let you have whatever you want. he just wants you to feel good and gets off on the idea that only he can make you feel this way.

you want to sit on his face then ride him ‘til your thighs are sore and you’re both overstimulated? you don’t have to tell him twice.

you want him to do all the work while you lay there and look pretty for him? he would never argue with that.

soft bf!yushi who whispers, “lay back for me baby, let me take care of you,” while pressing soft kisses down your body and sending shivers down your spine.

he gently eases your thighs apart with his hands and keeps them spread with his broad shoulders as he lays between your legs, kissing and nipping at the skin of your thighs.

he loves laying your legs over his shoulders before diving into your pussy like it’s his last meal, licking and savoring each swipe of his tongue across your folds.

soft bf!yushi who learns quickly from your reactions. he knows that when you tug on his hair to pull him closer that it means you like what he’s doing.

soft bf!yushi who pulls his mouth away from you before slipping two of his fingers through your weeping hole, finding the spongy part of your walls and pressing his digits against it.

soft bf!yushi who gets painfully hard from your whimpers and whines, getting dizzy from the feeling of you grinding yourself against his face and using his tongue however you like.

soft bf!yushi who’d come back up to you after making you cum around his fingers and on his tongue, leaning close like he’d kiss you, but pulling away when you lean forward too.

“hm? what is it, baby? why are you pouting?” he’d ask as you whine. “how am i supposed to know if you don’t tell me?” except he does know, he just likes to get it out of you.

soft bf!yushi who’d kiss you and make you taste yourself, only after you told him exactly what you want. his ego would swell as he watched you slowly melt from his antics.

soft bf!yushi who loses himself at the feeling of his leaking cock breaching your tight heat, throwing his head back as you squeeze around him.

he’d whimper into your neck, biting down on the skin to ground himself before you tell him to move.

your hips meet his mid-thrust as you fuck yourself on him, the stimulation proving to be too much for your sweet boyfriend as his eyes squeeze shut.

soft bf!yushi who makes you cum first, fingers hastily rubbing against your clit to coax your orgasm out of you, his hips barely faltering as he hits the right spot, causing your walls to spasm around him.

soft bf!yushi who has to kiss you as he cums inside, steadying himself with one hand as the other cups your cheek lovingly. he makes sure you can feel his love for you as he brings you both to your climaxes.

soft bf!yushi who wouldn’t tell you he wants to eat you out again after fucking you, but watching your pussy leak with both his and your arousal awakens something in him, and his mouth is on you again before either of you can register it.

your moans are too sweet for him to stop lapping it up, swiping his tongue and collecting the salty essence on his tongue before, once again, coming up to you and kissing you messily.

“now you can taste us both,” he whispers, a cheeky smirk coming across his lips as your stomach flips from such a dirty act from your usually-composed and polite boyfriend.

a/n: i kind of went crazy and blacked out writing this, especially toward the end… can you tell this was meant to only be fluffy? idk how he does it but he gives me insane whiplash and i need him carnally. 7 positions in 70 minutes. until— we’re not stopping. raw, next question.

tags: @be-my-sunrise

[cheshirecatqueerio]

Conclave journalism AU/ canon divergence

Thomas Lawrence still faces his crisis of faith in the last several years of the late pope's pontifcate. He asks to be permitted to resign and join an order. The late pope denies him. However, Lawrence's difficulties with prayer and doubts about God get so severe, he simply quits the Church altogether. In the secular world he lands somewhere in academia, not as a professor but maybe as a researcher or administrative assistant somewhere like the Oxford Psalms Network. My guy has had to do at least 10 years of theological education to get a doctorate in canon law, academia is the major other thing he can do. So he's involved with the Church sphere but very tangentially. Mainly in the archives. He's not happy per say but his self- flagellation complex sees this as a reap what you sow situation so he's trying to make his piece with his middling job till he inevitably hits certain retirement age.

He has a falling out with Bellini before he leaves, as he in his 'I shall not burden those near me' mindset doesn't really explain what is going on, obliquely mentions the desire to join an order and then slinks off seemingly in the middle of a random night leaving only a highly effusive but not at all explanatory note thanking Aldo for his years of friendship and peace. Aldo is understandably pissed, calls Thomas and tries to hash things out. Tells Thomas to his face that being gay and dedicating his life to the clergy has not exactly been smooth sailing but he worked it out so what gives? Thomas in his desire for martyrdom refuses to elaborate on anything which makes Aldo madder. Bellini eventually hears about some of Thomas' doubts from the Holy Father, and while he gets it, he still thinks Thomas' disappearance means their friendship ment more to Aldo than Thomas so he's not feeling very charitable and remains mad. Also, Thomas' suddenly departure leaves Aldo with a promotion he very much doesn't want and the Holy Father's years are numbered so he doesn't reach out to Thomas. Thomas thinks he's ruined their friendship and that Aldo spends 23 hours of the day thinking about how much Thomas disappointed him (he ignores the fact that being Dean simply doesn't leave one with the mental capacity for this) so as penance he gives Aldo space. By the time the Conclave comes around they are very much not talking. Aldo contemplates reaching out to commemorate the late Holy Father but then finds out running a conclave takes 110% of his brain capacity, so he never does.

Meanwhile, Vincent Benitez resigned from being a bishop a while back. He consults the late Holy Father and while he refuses the surgery he also has a mild crisis of identity and new thoughts about how the Church treats people like him. While the hysterectomy offer from the Holy Father was well intentioned, the more he thinks about the less he can reconcile his perception of the Church as an institution for good, his role among it, and it's historic role propagating violence againts intersex and trans people. The hysterectomy isn't about affirming Benitez's feelings or identity it's about fixing what the Church deems an aberration to the binary and remodeling him back into an acceptable servant for the institution. However, upon quiting the Church Vincent continues to do what he has always done best- he helps people. He uses his experience helping surviors of GBV in Kinshasa. He joins UNAMA and works on the issues of women's rights and integration pre-Taliban rule. In his work due to his compassionate manner the women he works with confide in him about the things that are happening. He sees not only the violence of the Taliban but also the means by which IGOs, NGOs, and the American presence are complicit in perpetrating human rights abuses. He sees that sometimes exposing these structures is useful to help survivors. So he befriends a couple of locally based journalists and sometimes helps critique the systems the Western media likes to stay quite about. He helps track down how America's armed forces defend himan rights abusers and preparation state violence in the name of fighting the Taliban (think this piece by the NYT https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/22/briefing/afghanistan-war-us-kandahar.html). Then the Taliban takes over again and he is notorious for his work on women's rights so the UNAMA politely tells him he is going to be evacuated because he can do better work remotely and will be resigned elsewhere. Vincent hates this but he cannot not acquiesce. So he is working to try and get Afghani families resettled with the UNHCR when he gets a strange email. He receives the email about a month before the Holy Father's death and it only includes a "Dear Vincent, I think this may be useful to you," and an excel file titled TremF, and an email adress for a thomas.lawrence@theology.ox.ac.uk signed the Holy Father's first name. Intially he thinks this is a spam email, but he tries to click the excel file only to find it's corrupted. He tries to email the sending adress but the message bounces back saying the account has been terminated and recipient cannot be found. Vincent has a job to do and a huge amount of people to resettle and state organizations to lobby so he forgets about the email.

Until, the Holy Father dies and Tremblay is elected pope. And Vincent has been out of the Church for about 14 years now, so he wouldn't think much of it except for that weird file name. And also most of the people who he works still involved with the Catholic Church with find Tremblay's election a bit weird because he's by no means a nobody but no one anticipated him to be pope over much more charismatic or diverse candidates like the Patriarch of Venice or Lagos. So on a whim, just in case, Vincent sends an email to that Thomas Lawrence explaining who he is bfrielfy that he got a strange email he is 90% sure is authentic from the late Holy Father and maybe this is nothing but Thomas' email was the only other part of the message and that he's not been a part of the Church for almost 15 years so it's a bit odd and does Thomas have any answers?

Miracle of all miracles Vincent's email reaches Thomas despite being out of organization, probably due his @unhcr.org. Thomas thinks this is very strange but also probably nothing. Nonetheless this Vincent seems like he is very polite and to assuge both his own conscience (he feels a bit guilty over how he left things with the Holy Father and is grieving) and honor Vincent's time spent reaching out to him, he tells Vincent he'll reach out to some people who still work at the Church. That's when things get stranger and stranger. At first he tries Archbishop Wozniak because he was in charge of all of the late Father's correspondence. Any messages or emails to Wozniak go unanswered. Some asking old staffers tells him Wozniak was removed as Perfect of the Papal Household after Tremblay's election. Worse, no one quite knows where he went, just that he is still ostensibly with the Church. So he asks after Ray, because they are still friends and Ray has always been competent and if he doesn't know what the email was he'll find Wozniak. But... Ray's also gone. He's been made a papal nuncio but no one will tell Thomas where. It's classified, allegedly for O'Malley safety, which in all 30 years of his time at the Church is a circumstance Thomas has never heard of. Lawrence writes back to Benitez reporting what he's found so far and that this is all very weird indeed and that this may be something.....

Finally, Lawrence reaches out to Aldo, who has been made Secretary of State, stepping down as Dean. Aldo feels a bit guilty about suspending his own candidacy early on (he suspects this was conterary to the wishes of the Holy Father who may have seen him as a successor) because he was busy running the damn Conclave and Tremblay approached him with a way to make sure Aldo never head to go through managing a conclave again and also positioned himself as an alternative to Tedesco. Sue him, he had a lot going on. Intially Bellini is happy to hear from Thomas, they may have not been close the past 4 years, but still a friendship of 30+ years. He's way less thrilled this is not a personal call and Thomas starts interrogating him about Tremblay's pontificate and the conclave (if Thomas wanted to be involved this badly he could have just stayed on). He also lacks the answers to most of Thomas' questions and thought Ray simply asked to be reassigned while Wozniak's work load was reduced due to escalating drinking problem (Aldo found the poor man passed out several times near the papal apartments after the Holy Father's passing). And also who in the world is this Vincent Benitez upstart who allegedly was tapped by the Holy Father intially to ask all these questions? Still, while not wanting to admit to Thomas why Tremblay had such a easy time consolidating Aldo's vote share of the liberal vote, he agrees to look into Wozniak's posting. Only to be stonewalled by Mandorff? So Aldo, despite strained relations gets back to Thomas to say something is definitely up, and now that he thinks about it Adeyemi's papal bid ended weirdly and that there was a nun from Lagos working in the Vatican kitchens for like a week during the Conclave who was rumored to have had a child with him? But he's not sure and also, angering him greatly, 70% sure that piece of information originated with Tedesco so someone (NOT Aldo) is going to need to follow up with him. And the nun appeared and disappeared under very opaque circumstances? Que Vincent and Thomas meeting up to try and figure out where out of 106 possible diplomatic postings Ray ended up, while Aldo tries to find things out in the Vatican without alerting Tremblay to his intentions.

[halfbaked00q]

#YES!!!! #honestly i was oversimplfying in the other post because i was hurrying to get it out before the train left the station and i lost wifi lolol #really my answer is more nuanced in that they are BOTH some flavor of dog all the time (bond is a dog who likes having orders and q is a #dog who has Something to Protect etc etc) #and sometimes they're both doing that and it's chill and sometimes bond is the cheetah and i Do think there are occasions on which q is #the cheetah. but it's a strange twisted up backwards sort of way #like hmm. how to describe the very specific vibe i have in my head #situation i was thinking of is specifically q has been Livestock Dog all day and in lots of different directions #because that's the thing right with q he has his flock but they're all over the world usually (q branch is also His but they're easier #because they're physically nearby as opposed to the agents that are out in th world in active danger) #and this stresses him tf out because he wants to be able to protect all of them and the nature of the job is #that he can't but he's Trying to in as many directions as he can #and i think in that specific flavor of situation bond would be the dog to his cheetah but with the added layer that bond is very much His #dog the whole time. and it works mostly by dint of bond's presence being calming in that Look Here's One (Your Favorite One) #He's Yours And He's Safe. take a breath and eat something and maybe delegate #i also enjoy q best when he us very in control of everything i just also enjoy it when this is simultaneously the source of problems for him #when situations appear in which it would be best for him to give the control up a little and he can't make himself do it because what if #something happens to his flock yknow #and in those situations bond would be the calming dog not in an in control calm dommy sort of way but in the exact other way. the subbiest #possible way. the look i'm here i'm doing well i'm yours put your teeth and your hands to my throat if you'd like sort of way #am i explaining this coherently? fuck if i know. i was napping two minutes ago and half of my brain still is (via @weidli)

No I think I get you lol it’s the like.. they are each others’ safe harbor/Home-ism of it all. Like one can’t be On all the time, they need a safe place to decompress & relax. (For me tho I personally like it more when the flavor is Q relaxes by being able to Take Care of Bond vs the like “he’s in control all the time so he needs to give up control to relax” – cuz like that’s not automatically true for everyone and also for me I think Q knows he isn’t in control all the time/he can’t control anything (if nothing else he got a Very Real lesson of that in Skyfall), whereas Bond is the one who almost compulsively HAS to be On all the time cuz if he isn’t On all the time in the field He Will Die. So being able to let go of control is more of a foreign concept to him and also a novelty and a marvel.)

But I do like the idea of Bond being a form of outlet for Q, it’s like… there’s so many variables out in the wild he can’t control, but with Bond this is a very tangible thing he can do. It’s like the idea of you may not be able to help the whole world, but you can help one person – or maybe like, you can’t adopt all of the dogs in need of a good home in the world, but you can make all of the difference to This One Specific Dog :P

But no I agree of like. Bond also being a calming/centering/grounding presence for Q in the like. Look, you are making a difference. You mean something – everything, even – to me. And it’s making all of the difference in the world.

(but yeah lmao also to expound on this even if idk if anyone actually wants me to- The reason I personally don’t favor Q as cheetah-coded is cuz I feel like cheetah-coding is like, Neuroses & Ambiguous Disorder-coding and I think if either of them is the Neurotic one, it’s Bond with all of his Ambiguous (and Unambiguous but Resolutely Undefined - if he doesn't Look At Them then surely they can't see him) Disorders. also Q gets assigned The Neurotic One a lot in fanon and I’m like, let’s shake it up, let Bond be the manic pixie dream girl disaster nightmare and Q be the Well Adjusted One (well, yk, the As Well Adjusted As One Working at MI6 Can Be one). Feels like very often even if they're like Q's just a normal guy he almost compulsively gets assigned a host of insecurities and etc. idk man he's kind of silly but I don't think this means he HAS to have a fundamental unsurety about himself. Let him be Confident perhaps even too much so but like clearly that's been/being tempered by Experience. Make his flaw be hubris not insecurity. Which is like not to say he doesn't also need gentleness & comfort & care & reassurance like I agreee I think as much as Bond can get a lot from Q, Q can get a lot from Bond. But yeah in more of a like. Yes even if I can't save the whole world, I can at least save him kind of way- which I think is what ur kind of getting at too maybe? <3)

meanwhile, Iiiii am marinating on the idea of Bond getting a handcrafted leather collar from Q (lovingly handcrafted, of course, by Q). it would be soooo good for him, it'd be like having Q's hand at his throat and on his nape all the time. it'd be a tangible sign that Q wants him and more importantly, wants to keep him. it would keep him soooo anchored and centered and grounded. it would be so so good for him and he would love it so much

[dan-crimes]

I love it when I'm not actually as invested in something as others are yet I'll still spend. 10+ hours just watching content about it cuz I still have to know about it like I might not have brain rot or anything but I gotta have that info in my brain

[anewp0tat0]

i lied i had like atleast one more weston thought to expell from my brain, before i miss this boat entirely. we're heading to green lands woooo